


No Trait As Much As This

by KandiSheek



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: ALL THE ANGST, Angst, Declarations Of Love, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Hurt Tony, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, James "Rhodey" Rhodes is a Good Bro, M/M, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Protective James "Rhodey" Rhodes, Protective Steve Rogers, Revelations, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Truth Serum, Truth Spells
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2019-10-28 22:43:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 27,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17796131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KandiSheek/pseuds/KandiSheek
Summary: Tony gets hit with truth serum. It's a terrible time for everyone.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah I know, I should be working on Breathless, but this one just didn't leave me alone until I wrote it. I'm not sure how regular my updates will be for this (probably not very, knowing me), but I hope some of you will still want to stick around for it. I have a lot of plans for this trope so we'll see what comes out of it :)  
> I promise I'll finish Breathless before I really get into this one, but I just wanted to put this out there as a sort of teaser. I hope you enjoy it! See you!

The mission was garbage. Tony had known since he'd woken up and spilled coffee all over his new gauntlet prototype that today would be a shitty, shitty day, but this was really taking the cake.

“On your six,” he shouted at Natasha as he flew overhead, shooting missiles into the oncoming barrage of alien assholes. He didn't stay to watch them go up in flames, instead swerving to the left to pluck Clint out of the air and stop his certain death. Again. “Fucking hell, Barton, the roof really that uncomfortable?”

“Not yet it's not.” The rooftop exploded in a smattering of flying debris. “Now it is.”

Tony sighed. “That shit's expensive. And bad PR.”

“Please,” Clint scoffed. “It's the Vice building. People will thank us for this.”

“Chatter,” Steve reminded them over the comms. “Hulk, get that ship down. They're closing in.”

“Hulk smash!”

“We know you are, big guy,” Tony sighed, dropping Clint on the ground next to a cluster of bad guys. “Pull your weight, hawkass.”

“Suck my dick.”

“Can we not?” Steve asked, his voice a little strained. “Iron Man, the ship, now!”

“What do you think I've been doing?” Tony snapped back, scanning the code JARVIS displayed on the HUD. “I can't match its frequency from down here. I'll have to get closer.”

“Do it!”

“Aye aye, Cap,” Tony said sarcastically, firing up his repulsors to fly towards the ship. “It'll probably scramble my comm link. If I don't make it back in the next ten minutes you know where to find my body.”

“Don't joke about that,” Steve said tensely and Tony smirked.

“No worries. I'd come back to haunt you anyway.”

“Perish the thought,” Natasha deadpanned.

“But seriously, if I go offline I'll try to make it back in ten,” Tony said, switching to private comms. “JARVIS, tell me when.”

“Not yet, Sir. I'm fairly certain you will need direct access to enter the system.”

“Great,” Tony sighed, putting his comm back on. “Okay, I'm going in. Signal's too weak.”

“Be careful,” Steve said and Tony rolled his eyes.

“Yes, mom. Going offline now.”

“No, leave the –“ The rest of Steve's sentence got lost in static, so Tony switched his comms off with a click of his tongue.

“Alright, J. Time to work.”

Getting into the ship was easy enough, they clearly hadn't expected someone to actually breach it. The real threat was the ship's arsenal, especially that giant fucking laser gun that even JARVIS hadn't been able to make sense of. Better not to let them fire that one.

Tony kicked down another door, peering through just to find himself staring down at least ten separate barrels. “Whoops. You guys wouldn't happen to know where the cafeteria is, would you?”

He dodged sideways as bullets rained down on him, holding up his arms as an additional barrier. Tony cursed when some of them actually went through his first layer of shielding. Those guys were high tech. “JARVIS, now!”

JARVIS deployed one of his shoulder missiles, taking six of them out in one fell swoop. Tony dispatched the rest easily enough, whooping in triumph when he found a console near the wall.

“Hell yeah. J, what do we got?”

“It seems as though this panel has restricted access to the ship's mainframe, Sir.”

Tony cracked his knuckles. “Let's see how 'restricted' it is when I'm done with it.”

He still had four minutes left by the time he'd hacked into the ship's control system, disabled its targeting and weapons control functions and scrambled its access codes six ways to Sunday. For all their technological prowess these guys didn't seem to be big on security.

“Alright,” he said, clapping his hands together. “Looks like my work here is done. Let's go fuck shit up.”

“With pleasure, Sir.”

Tony slowly made his way into the ship's belly, following the route JARVIS had helpfully downloaded onto his HUD to avoid the panicking aliens that were by now running around like headless chickens. He melted the lock on the door JARVIS pointed out and pushed it open to find – bingo.

“Welcome to wonderland,” Tony said gleefully, looking around the room and its promising pieces of machinery. Next to all of the hydraulics and generators the room held several consoles, all decked out with numerous buttons and cables and – oh hell yeah.

“This looks important,” Tony said, ripping out the main power source with a manic grin. The entire ship went dark and he could hear screaming in a foreign language above him. “I think that's our cue.”

He blew up one of the main reactors as a goodbye present, flying out of the room just in time to avoid the machinery exploding behind him, setting off a chain reaction. He raced through the corridors, flames and debris licking at his feet when a pipe suddenly blew up in his face, smacking him through the opposite wall and into a cramped room. He landed hard, black spots dancing in front of his eyes for a moment.

“Fuck,” Tony groaned, lifting himself up on his elbows. He opened his eyes just in time to see a thin yellow mist cloud his vision. “Shit. JARVIS –“

“The armor is no longer airtight. Please exit the room immediately.”

“Yeah, I figured,” Tony said, trying not to panic as he finally took in his surroundings. Multiple vials in different colors, a long line of alien looking instruments – yeah, this was a lab. And Tony had been doused in god knows what kind of chemical. Fuck.

He struggled to his feet, trying to hold his breath even though it was probably pointless by now, and stumbled back into the corridor. The ground shook when the ship suddenly lurched to the left and he crashed into the wall as he lost his balance. His head was swimming dangerously.

“Goddammit,” Tony gritted out, firing up the repulsors on collision course with the closest wall. “Okay, on three, J. One, two –“

JARVIS fired the missile, creating a hole in the ceiling that Tony crashed through into the ship's upper floors. Aliens stampeded around him in a panic as Tony kicked and punched his way over to one of the ship's exit points. Thankfully everyone was too preoccupied with the ship blowing up around them to stop him.

He'd almost made it when something hit him in the shoulder, making him cry out in pain as he dropped to one knee. Tony looked back to see one of the aliens aiming a laser gun at him and – Fuck!

He barely managed to roll out of the way in time, landing hard on his side. The beam left a smoking indent in the ship's floor.

“Fuck,” he gritted out, holding up both of his repulsors to fire back. Tony cursed when the alien hit his left hand, effectively knocking him onto his back. He scrambled across the floor, trying to stay in motion so he wouldn't get fried – but a look back told him the alien had been hit dead in the chest by his repulsor blast and wasn't moving.

Tony let out a breath of relief, struggling to his feet. His head was killing him and his left shoulder wasn't faring much better.

“JARVIS, how far?”

“About two hundred feet to your left, Sir.”

Tony staggered down the corridor as fast as he could, trying to ignore the flashing red warnings his suit was screaming at him. He was already two minutes over time. His team would be worried.

He rounded the corner straight into a barrage of bullets.

“Fuck,” he screamed, trying to defend himself, but with only one repulsor he was clearly outnumbered. “JARVIS!”

“To your right, Sir!”

Tony jumped blindly as JARVIS set off a series of explosions. One of the missiles blew a huge dent in the wall and Tony shot towards it, desperately hoping it would be enough –

And with one last boost he crashed through the damaged hull right into the open air, falling uncontrollably as black crept into his vision.

“–on Man, report!” A crackly voice said as the comms came back on and Tony shook himself awake enough to try and take back the control over his suit.

“Iron Man!”

“Fuck,” he ground out when he kept spinning through the air, trying to aim his repulsors to at least slow his descent. “I can't – JARVIS!”

“Both of your left repulsors are not functioning,” JARVIS said with a distressed undertone in his voice. “I cannot override”

“Hulk, catch him!”

Tony was going to throw up. The ground was rapidly coming closer as he tumbled head over feet, spinning completely out of control. He was just about to pass out when something crashed into him with the force of a small truck and almost knocked him out cold. Tony was distantly aware of panicked voices getting louder as the armor came off and being transferred into a moving car, but before he managed to make sense of it he was out like a light.

 

Watching Tony fall out of the sky never got old. Steve had lost count of how many times it had happened by now and yet somehow his heart still stopped every time. Maybe he'd just watched too many people fall.

“He's going to be fine,” Natasha said as soon as she got off the phone, taking the seat next to him at the table. “A mild concussion and multiple contusions, but the doctor said he only cracked two of his ribs. They'll keep him overnight just to be sure.”

Steve took a deep breath and let it out slowly, giving himself a moment for the relief to sink in. Then he straightened up, looking at his team around the table.

“Alright. We still need to review the results JARVIS sent over. Any takers?”

“It's strange,” Bruce said, brows furrowed as he flipped through the analysis. “They had all this technology but completely disregarded any safety issues. How come?”

“The Voltigroks have been a warmongering people for centuries,” Thor said, folding his hands on the table. “They believe that the only warrior that has any worth is a warrior who knows no fear. To them the act of protecting oneself is a show of cowardice.”

Clint clucked his tongue, shaking his head. “What a bunch of morons.”

“Quite.”

“Alright, so why did they come to earth?” Steve asked. “What's the motive?”

“It would not surprise me to find out that they have done so in an attempt to gain monetary profits,” Thor said, stroking his beard. “Gold is valuable in far more places than Midgard.”

Steve sighed. “Great. Any other ideas?”

“Perhaps they wanted a challenge? Or a place to test out new weapons?” Thor shrugged his massive shoulders. “The possibilities are endless, Captain.”

“But they don't have a grudge against Earth or humans in general?” Steve asked, brow furrowed. “That you know of?”

“I'm afraid I cannot say,” Thor said apologetically. “They are a very private people that does not like to have other folk meddling in their affairs. Asgard hasn't done trade with them in over three thousand years.”

“Well, it was worth a try,” Steve sighed, drumming his fingers on a table. “Thank you, Thor. Anyone got something to add about the mission?”

Clint groaned. “Come on, Cap, we've been debriefing for an hour. I think we could use some food and a nap, don't you think?”

Steve gave him a stern look. “This is important, Clint. You know we –“

The elevator dinged open and Tony hobbled inside, freezing when he saw them all sitting around the kitchen table.

“Oh, uh. Sorry to crash the party, fellas. I'll just be –“

He pointed his thumb over his shoulder and made his way back where he came from. Steve stood up so fast that his chair clattered to the floor behind him.

“What the hell are you doing here, Stark?” he snapped. “You're supposed to be in medical!”

“Yeah well I'm not,” Tony said offhandedly. “Now if you'll excuse me, I have work to do, so –“

“Oh no you don't,” Steve growled, grabbing Tony's arm to hold him back. “You're going back to the hospital right now –“

“Oh I'm sorry, I didn't know that you were appointed as my caretaker,” Tony said carelessly, looking Steve up and down with a lascivious smirk. “Can't say I'd complain about you in a nurse outfit. Though I fail to see the nurturing character.”

Steve flushed an angry red, his grip tightening on Tony's arm. “This isn't a joke. Your ribs –“

“Are none of your business,” Tony cut him off coolly. “I know my limits, Captain, and I've taken care of myself for years before you moved into my tower. I know what I'm doing.”

“Goddammit, Tony!” Steve roared. “That's not the point! You're being irresponsible!“

“Oh I'm sorry, was I the one jumping out of a plane without a parachute?” Tony asked coolly. “Because that's got 'responsible' written all over it.”

Steve threw his hands up. “Will you ever let that go?”

“Not in this lifetime, no,” Tony said, a mean smirk taking over his face. “Now if you'll excuse me I have better things to do than –“

“Stop!” Steve yelled loud enough to actually shut Tony up. “You want to call me a hypocrite? Fine. Do that when you're not limping anymore. But this team is my responsibility and when one of you gets hurt it's my duty to –“

Tony scoffed. “Oh come off it, soldier. You just like bossing people around.”

“Stark.” Natasha leveled him with a glare. “That's enough.”

“No, you all know it's true,” Tony said, fixing Steve with a mean look. “You're mad because I don't follow orders like a good little soldier. Well guess what, _Captain,_ you might be high on Fury's list, but I'm not your subordinate. I don't have to do _shit_ just because you tell me to. So you better get used to letting me do things _my_ way because quite frankly I don't trust any of you to know better than me.”

Tony used Steve's stunned silence to brush past him, but before he could reach the elevator Steve's angry voice made him pause.

“Why do you always do that?”

Tony turned back around, matching Steve's aggressive tone as his hackles rose. “Do what?”

“Make things so difficult!” Steve shouted. “You're arrogant and loud and abrasive all the time and for what?”

“Because I get anxious when people ignore me!” Tony shouted right back before he clapped a hand over his mouth in horror. You could have heard a needle drop as they all let that sink in.

“What did you just say?” Clint eventually broke the shocked silence, looking at Tony like he would a spooked animal.

“It's what Howard did and I hate it,” Tony choked out, eyes wide in fear. “I didn't mean to say that. I can't stop saying things out loud. JARVIS, scan me for alien substances.”

“Scanning right now, Sir.”

“You alright, Tony?”

“No, I'm dizzy, my shoulder hurts and I think I cracked some of my ribs,” Tony spat, glaring fiercely at Bruce. “Stop asking me questions!”

Bruce blinked, gears obviously turning in his head. “Sorry. I just worry about you, Tony.”

“I hate it when you say stuff like that.” Tony bit down on his lip so hard it started bleeding, but the words still came through. “Makeff me feel – lgh shit – cof I don' defferve it.” He spun away from them, eyes glued to the floor. “This is bullshit. I'm going to the workshop cause I'm scared shitless of what I might say and I don't want you to know just how pathetic I am. _Fuck!”_ Tony screamed as he punched the wall next to the elevator. “I _hate this!”_

“Sir, it appears that the substance in your blood stream has the properties of a severe truth serum.”

“Thanks, I think we all got that, J,” Tony snapped as he stepped into the elevator. “Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get drunk so I can have a few moments of peace before I have another panic atta–“ Whatever the rest of that sentence was, it got cut off by the elevator doors closing just as Tony banged his head against the wall.

The silence that followed was so loud it was giving Steve a headache.

“Someone needs to go after him,” he said numbly. “He shouldn't be drinking.”

Natasha shook her head, face giving away nothing. “He won't accept any help right now, and for once I have to respect that decision.” When Steve gave her a sharp look she raised a challenging eyebrow. “What? You want to know all his dirty secrets? I think he has a right to his privacy.”

Steve let out a heavy breath, looking back at the closed elevator doors. “You're right. But I don't have to like it.” He raised his head to the ceiling. “JARVIS. Can you make sure that he's alright? And call me if he's not?”

“Of course, Captain Rogers.”

“Well that was a fucking trip,” Clint said, still sounding a little dazed. “I didn't know he got hit with something.”

“I had warned the doctors that Sir might be contaminated,” JARVIS said, a little indignant. “They performed a series of tests before they removed the suit. He did not show any signs of being contagious. Or symptoms for that matter.”

“Well that's a relief,” Clint said, looking around the room. “No offense, but there are some things you really don't need to know about me.”

“I think that goes for all of us,” Steve said, still staring at the elevator. “You said it's not contagious?”

“It is not.”

“So it's not an alien virus,” Bruce concluded, rubbing his chin. “I take it the doctors took a blood sample?”

“Indeed. Would you like me to forward a copy of the results to you, Dr Banner?”

“Yes, thank you, JARVIS.”

Steve rubbed a hand over his face, feeling the fatigue catching up to him. What a day. “We should get in contact with Dr Strange too, just in case it's something he can help with.”

“Or Richards,” Clint said. “He might know something.”

Steve grimaced. “We might want to keep him on as a last resort. I don't think Tony would be happy if we called him in for help.”

“Amen to that. I'm still trying to get the dirt on what happened between them. My money's on unresolved sexual tens–“

“Clint,” Natasha cut him off with a look that made Clint cower slightly. “It's late. We won't get anything done before tomorrow, let's just get some sleep. Are we done here, Captain?”

Steve rubbed at his forehead, sighing quietly. “Alright. Dismissed. Good job, everyone.”

“I'll get you to say 'Disassemble' some day,” Clint joked tiredly, patting Steve on the back before he made his way to the elevator. As the team slowly dispersed around him Steve let himself fall into a kitchen chair, running a hand through his hair.

He had a feeling things were about to get a lot worse from here.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry for the long delay but I had to write out another story first that wasn't leaving me the hell alone! It's up now so if you want to you can check it out, it's called Branded and it's my baby.  
> Anyway, thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoy this new chapter despite the long wait!

“Tony! Come on, man, open up!”

“No luck so far?”

Rhodey turned to let Pepper see him rolling his eyes. “Of course not. He's put the whole floor on lockdown.”

Pepper sighed, tapping something on her phone. “Alright, that's an easy fix. JARVIS?”

“Yes, Ms Potts?”

“Could you forward the message I just sent to Tony, please?”

“As stated by lockdown protocol I cannot –“

“Priority override Papa-Echo-Sierra-Tango-Echo-Romeo, Virgina Pepper Potts.”

“Override accepted. Delivering message.”

They only had to wait for about ten seconds before the doors to Tony's private elevator slid open.

“You're absolutely terrifying,” Rhodey said and Pepper gave him a pleasant smile.

They arrived at the workshop just in time to see Tony plop down on the couch, holding both arms over his face.

“Go away.” His voice was muffled, but the annoyance in it was still clear. “I don't want to talk to anyone.”

Pepper gave him a stern look. “You missed our meeting this morning. What are you even doing?”

“Hiding,” Tony said before he started muttering curses under his breath and Pepper sighed heavily.

“Seriously, Tony. We had an agreement. You show up at the board at least once a month and I'll leave you alone the rest of the time. Is that really too much to ask?”

“It's not, you're being very generous,” Tony said, sounding resigned. “I know you're buried in work over there but I really can't make more time. If I could I'd take some of the load off you but Fury's been riding my ass for weeks about that damn Helicarrier and it's slow progress with all the avenging we've been doing lately. I'm trying my best.”

Rhodey and Pepper shared a look before they turned back to Tony with matching frowns. “Tony, are you okay?”

“No,” Tony sighed, pulling a grimace. “I'm in a really shitty situation right now. Please don't ask me about it.”

Pepper eyed him for a moment longer before she visibly softened, pulling out a stack of folders and putting them on Tony's desk.

“Alright. I'll cover for you. But I need you to get these back to me by Monday or we'll both be in deep shit.”

Tony gave her a grateful smile. “Thank you. I really appreciate everything you do for me. I love you.” He looked mortified for a second before he schooled his expression into a tense smile. “Give Happy my best, alright?”

“Will do,” Pepper said a little hesitantly, giving Rhodey a nod before she left with one last concerned glance at Tony. As soon as she was gone Rhodey punched him in the shoulder.

“Real smooth, dude.”

“Shut up,” Tony grumbled into his hands. “I can't help it.”

Rhodey shoved Tony's feet off the couch so he could plop down next to him, kicking his feet up on the table. “What's with you today? You look exhausted.”

“I am. My ribs hurt like a bitch and I haven't slept in forty-eight hours.” Tony groaned, dragging his hands over his face. “Goddammit. This sucks.”

Rhodey wasn't quite sure what to say to all that. Something had to be really wrong for Tony to actually admit to being tired and in pain. “Look, man. Whatever it is, you can tell me. What's going on with you?”

Tony was visibly struggling against something but before Rhodey could ask the words bubbled out of him.

“I got hit with truth serum on a mission and now I can't lie.”

Rhodey blinked. “Bullshit.”

“I'm serious!” Tony hissed angrily. “This is a fucking crisis!”

Rhodey raised an eyebrow. “Why were you _really_ late to my twentieth birthday party?”

“Because I was banging your cousin,” Tony said and clapped a hand over his mouth in horror. “No! What the fuck, Rhodes?”

“Holy shit!” Rhodey exclaimed, staring at Tony with wide eyes. “You're actually serious! How?” His nose wrinkled. “Also, ew, what the fuck, dude? My cousin is like twelve years older than you!”

“She showed me how to eat pussy right,” Tony said, then put his head in his hands. “Oh my God, kill me,” he moaned, mortified.

“Oh god,” Rhodey groaned, slapping his hands over his ears. “Don't tell me that! Weren't you, like, thirteen at the time?”

“I was seventeen,” Tony grumbled into his hands. “And I told her I was twenty-three.”

“Great,” Rhodey sighed, letting his head fall back against the couch. “I really didn't need to know that about you. Either of you.”

“Well, you asked,” Tony said crossly and Rhodey raised his hands.

“Fair enough.” He leaned forward to study Tony more closely. “So, truth serum, huh? How'd that happen?”

“Alien invasion. I got doused in some chemical and now I'm fucked.” He looked at Rhodey with slightly wild eyes. “I can't do it, Rhodey! Everyone's gonna find out how fucked up I am and – oh god, what if they start asking me questions?”

“They won't,” Rhodey said, frowning. “And you're not fucked up, Tones. Don't say that.”

“I wake up screaming at least three times a week and I have to hold on to the wall in the shower so I don't feel like I'm drowning,” Tony said and then sighed, more resigned than upset. “See? You didn't even prompt me, I just keep saying shit that I don't want anyone to know.”

Rhodey took a deep, calming breath. “Okay. So what do you want to do about it?”

“I want to tape my mouth shut until this is over,” Tony said flatly. “I'd do it if I didn't know how much it hurts to rip tape off the goatee. And I can't shave it, I'll look like a five year old.”

“Okay, let's think of a more practical solution, hm?” Rhodey said. “Can you – I don't know, divert questions? Like, not actually answer them? Or answer them with your own question?”

Tony wrinkled his nose. “I haven't tried. Ask me something.”

“Okay. How old are you?”

“Forty-two.” Tony groaned. “Shit.”

“It's okay, try again,” Rhodey said. “What's your superhero name?”

“Iron Man.” Tony gritted his teeth. “Maybe something with a longer answer? Might be easier.”

Rhodey nodded. “Alright. What do you really think about me?”

“You're my best friend,” Tony said, looking like he was sucking on a lemon. “You can be annoying but you've always had my back and I'm really jealous of how you always manage to get your life together. Oh shut up.” He glared at Rhodey who was grinning cheekily. “You did that on purpose, you asshole.”

“Oh no, keep going, this is great. Tony Stark is jealous of me. That's going on my gravestone.”

“You wouldn't want me on your gravestone,” Tony grumbled and Rhodey rolled his eyes.

“Obviously not. Alright, tell me about New Years eve 1994. How'd you get away from the cops?”

A little more than an hour later Tony had still only managed to divert two questions before he ended up answering them anyway. Rhodey could tell Tony was frustrated beyond belief and that it was starting to make him angry, so he stood up with a sigh.

“Alright, I think that's enough for the day. Maybe you could schedule sessions like this with the rest of the team, like a training exercise.”

Tony looked at him with wide eyes. “What? No! I don't want the team to know my secrets, Rhodey, what the hell?”

Rhodey shrugged. “Maybe that'll give you a little more incentive to refuse to answer.”

Tony looked away, obviously biting his tongue, and Rhodey sighed.

“Look, this really sucks. I get it. But you have to find a way to work around it just in case someone gets the drop on you –“

“You think I don't know that?” Tony snapped. “I'm fucking terrified. What if they get to the armor, Rhodey? The tower security? Avengers intel?” He was starting to look a little sick at the thought. “I can't be the thing that compromises the team, Rhodey, I can't! They'll kick me to the curb in two seconds flat!”

Rhodey rolled his eyes. “No one's kicking you out, Tony.”

“They might,” Tony said seriously. “Admit it, this would be the perfect time to get rid of me.”

Rhodey gave him a startled look. “Why would they want to get rid of you?”

Tony raised an eyebrow. “Really? I'm loud and rude and I don't listen to orders. Fury fucking hates me and they still haven't even promoted me to actual Avenger status. I'm technically still a consultant.”

“What?” Rhodey asked flatly and Tony shrugged.

“Don't know why. Maybe Fury still doesn't think I'm suited for the team. He certainly didn't think so before New York.”

Rhodey bristled. “That's bullshit!” he said indignantly and Tony snorted.

“It's not like he was wrong. Look, everybody knows I'm not hero material. Natasha wrote it in her initial assessment, Iron Man yes, Tony Stark no.”

“She wrote that about you?” Rhodey asked incredulously. “What the fuck, man? You're just as valuable to the team as any of them.”

“Thanks, honey bear,” Tony sighed, completely unconvinced. “But I know my role in all this. If I was just Iron Man and not a billionaire to boot they probably wouldn't have even approached me. Except for damage control.”

Rhodey shook his head in disbelief. “I didn't know you felt that way.”

Tony gave him a weird look. “What? This isn't about how I feel, it's just how things are.” He smirked. “Besides, I gave them enough reasons to keep me around. SHIELD is good, but they're not Tony Stark good. Fury knows that.”

Rhodey stared at him for a long moment before he sighed heavily. “I swear to god, sometimes you make me want to bash my head against a wall.”

Tony frowned. “What? What did I say?”

“Nothing,” Rhodey waved him off as he stood to leave. “You should talk to your team about this. I bet they don't even know you're not officially an Avenger yet.”

“Natasha knows,” Tony said, still with a confused frown on his face. “She wrote the report. Fury must've told her about it.”

“Even if she does, and that's a big If,” Rhodey said. “I'm pretty sure the Captain doesn't know. And if he does then I don't care that he's Captain America, I'm gonna kick his fucking ass.”

Tony still looked bewildered when Rhodey said his goodbyes and left the workshop, leaning heavily against the wall outside for a moment. Being around Tony was draining on a good day but this was taking it to a whole new level. As if Rhodey didn't already worry about Tony more than he probably should.

He pushed off the wall, taking the stairs in favor of the elevator. It really wasn't any of his business but if he found out that Tony was right and the Avengers really didn't see him as a team member he was seriously going to flip his shit. Tony had proven himself enough times to be just as trustworthy as any of them and just because he had a rotten past – and god was it rotten, even just the parts that Rhodey had personally witnessed – didn't mean he hadn't redeemed himself ten times over.

He didn't feel good about leaving Tony to deal with this alone but he was just going to have to trust the team on this one. Rhodey couldn't have stayed to support him anyway. His loyalty was still to the military but every time Tony asked – more like begged him – to reconsider his options with the Avengers initiative he found the idea less and less outlandish.

When he reached his car he turned back to look at the huge 'A' on the side of the building and donned his sunglasses with a smirk.

“Next time, baby.”

 

“Tomorrow? Are you sure you can't make it today?” Steve asked with a despairing look at his watch. He heard Strange sigh over the phone.

“No. We have a situation at the temple that needs my immediate attention. I'll come as soon as I can.”

Steve grimaced. “Alright. Thank you doctor, I appreciate your help.”

“Don't mention it,” Strange said and hung up. Steve stared at his phone for a moment before he put it down with a sigh.

“No luck?” Natasha asked where she was munching on cereal on the other side of the table. Steve shook his head.

“It'll take a day for him to get here. Tony's not going to like that.” He looked up at the ceiling. “JARVIS? Could you relay that to Tony, please?”

There was a small pause. “Under regular circumstances I certainly could, Captain,” JARVIS replied and Steve probably wasn't imagining the annoyance in his tone. “But Sir has muted me in the workshop and cut off all lines of communication.”

“That's too bad,” Natasha said with a shrug, looking entirely unconcerned. “You should go down and tell him personally, Steve.”

Steve gave her a confused look. “What? Why me?”

She raised an eyebrow at him. “Do you really think Tony wants me or Clint in the workshop right now? You're the one he trusts the most.”

That thought made something like pride swell in his chest but he shook his head. “I'm sure Bruce can –“

“Pardon me, Sir,” JARVIS piped up. “Doctor Banner has left the building thirteen minutes ago. I would not expect him to return before dinner.” Before Steve could reply JARVIS continued. “And if I may be so bold to ask for your assistance, Captain Rogers, I am getting worried about Sir's vitals. He hasn't eaten in approximately fifteen hours.”

Steve's brow furrowed. “What? Why –“ He cut himself off, already knowing the answer. Those darn inventing binges would be the death of Tony. “Alright. I'll bring something down for him.”

“Thank you, Captain,” JARVIS said with a hint of relief in his voice. In moments like this it was still hard to believe that JARVIS wasn't an actual person.

Steve heated up some of the leftovers in the fridge – chicken curry, Bruce's cooking and incidentally Tony's favorite – and took them down to the workshop.

To nobody's surprise the door was locked but at least the blackout that had been there all morning had been lifted so Steve could actually see Tony through the glass, working on what looked like a car engine.

“Did he block the access codes?” Steve asked, hesitant to knock and alert Tony to his presence. It wouldn't be the first time that Tony blacked out the windows on him.

“Since Ms Potts used her override code earlier your usual access codes should work without any difficulties.”

Well, thank god for Ms Potts. Steve punched in his code, stepping into the workshop even as he winced at the sheer volume of that screaming music Tony liked so much. Steve hadn't learned to differentiate between any of those songs yet. Most of it sounded like noise to him. He knew better than to mention that around Tony though.

Tony hadn't noticed him yet, obviously, so Steve set down the plate of curry on Tony's desk, covering it with the second plate he'd brought. It wouldn't do much to keep it warm for long but Steve had never been able to shake the habit his mom had passed onto him.

“Tony!” Steve called out to him but Tony didn't hear him, just kept bobbing his head to the music and – swaying his hips as he worked which, wow, Tony could really move. Steve quickly averted his eyes before he could get any ideas, waving DUM-E over from his charging station. The robot rolled towards him with an excitedly waving arm and Steve grinned, getting down on one knee.

“Hey, little fella,” he said, patting DUM-E's metal strut. “You wanna tell your dad that I'm here? I don't want to startle him.”

DUM-E beeped happily, rolling over to where Tony was hunched over his workbench and pulling insistently on Tony's shirt.

Tony pushed up his goggles, looking down at DUM-E with a frown as he said something that Steve couldn't make out over the music. DUM-E kept pulling and Tony turned enough to catch sight of Steve, his eyes going wide. He batted DUM-E away and waved a hand at the ceiling which made the volume lower to a bearable level.

“Cap!” Tony said nervously. “What are you – I thought I'd – JARVIS?” He gave the ceiling a betrayed look. “I put up the blackout protocol for a reason!”

“It was Ms Potts,” Steve chimed in, seeing as JARVIS was still muted. “You didn't reinstate the protocol after her override.”

Tony clicked his tongue in disapproval and grabbed a dirty towel off the engine to start wiping his hands with it. “We really need to have a talk about exploiting loopholes, J, I don't want you to turn that against me. But it's amazing that you found ways to work around my commands, I'm really proud of you.” He winced and glanced at Steve out of the corner of his eye, clearing his throat in embarrassment. “Well, anyway, I didn't expect to see you here. Is something wrong?”

Steve smiled and shook his head. “No, nothing wrong. I just wanted to tell you that Strange agreed to take a look at your situation first thing tomorrow, so –“

“Tomorrow?” Tony asked, a hint of fear in his eyes. “I have a charity ball to go to tomorrow! Pepper will be disappointed in me if I don't show up!” He wrinkled his nose. That was probably supposed to sound more dramatic than that.

“Well, let's hope Strange can reverse it then,” Steve said and Tony rolled his eyes.

“Always with the optimism, Cap.”

“Well, someone needs to keep the mood up,” Steve joked. “Come on, I brought you some of Bruce's curry.”

“Oh fuck yeah! I've been hungry for hours!” Tony exclaimed, his face falling when he realized what he just said. Steve frowned.

“Really? Why didn't you come up to eat?”

Tony's face twisted, mouth tightening, but the words still came forth. “I didn't want to be around you people.”

_You people?_

Steve nodded, trying not to take that personally. “Okay. I get that.”

“You really don't. I've been telling Rhodey embarrassing things all day and I can't stand the thought of any of you knowing how fucked up the inside of my brain is.” Tony looked like he was seconds away from bashing his head against a table. “Jesus Christ, please don't listen to anything I say for the next – well, ever would be preferable. It's not like I have a great way of speaking to begin with. Fuck, that's not what I wanted to say!”

Tony was starting to sound upset so Steve cut in, his hands raised placatingly. “Hey, it's fine, don't worry about it. And even if you choose to come out of the workshop nobody will judge you for anything you say.”

“Of course you will. Everyone judges me,” Tony said with a look like he was chewing on something foul. “Not that I blame you, I've done a lot of fucked up shit.”

“Tony,” Steve said, horrified. “We don't think – Is that really what you think?”

“One time I slept with three women and when one of them threw up on the other I dared the third one to eat it. And she did.” Tony looked a little sick at the memory. “In my defense, I was drunk off my ass and I paid off all of their college tuitions so they never told anybody, but still, please don't tell anyone. I'm not proud of it.”

“I won't,” Steve said numbly, nose wrinkled in disgust. Seriously, what the hell?

“One of them was underage too, I mean barely, she turned eighteen the next week, but still! I only found out after the fact and it didn't even bother me all that much because I was really fucking high when they told me and –“

“Tony,” Steve interrupted him firmly, a hand on his temple. Jesus Christ. “I think that's enough stories for the day. You should eat.”

“Not like I can help it,” Tony ground out indignantly. “And you really think I want to eat anything after that? The girl that ate the vomit threw it back up all over my shoes later, it was _disgusting_. Do you even know how bad vomit smells when it's been thrown up _twice_ –”

“Okay!” Steve said loudly to hopefully cut Tony off. “I can imagine. Please stop talking.”

“I can't! What do you think I'm trying to do?” Tony asked, sounding both miserable and angry. “I don't want to tell you this shit either, I promise! You're like the last person I'd want to tell my dirty secrets to.”

Steve paused. What?

Did Tony really mean that? Out of all the people that Tony didn't trust with his personal life – and that list was very long, the number of people who had gained Tony's trust could be counted on one hand with fingers left over – was he really the worst of the bunch? Steve had thought they were becoming friends.

He tried to catch Tony's eyes but Tony looked away, biting the inside of his cheek. He didn't take it back. Well then.

“I guess that's fair,” Steve said evenly even though his insides were screaming that it was anything but. He cleared his throat, nodding at the workbench. “Eat your dinner, please. You can't live off coffee forever.”

“I can try,” Tony said but it lacked any enthusiasm and Steve took that as his cue to leave. He gave Tony one last nod as he closed the door behind him, running a hand through his hair and trying to ignore the sting of Tony's words that settled just under his ribs.

Tomorrow couldn't come soon enough.

 

“I will ask you a simple question,” Strange said, staring at Tony with unnerving intensity. “And you will try to lie to me. Don't hold back your words, I need you to try and give me an actual answer.”

“Okay,” Tony said dubiously. “Just for the sake of transparency, you're standing a bit too close for my tastes.”

Steve had to suppress a snort. He could imagine Tony saying that even without the serum.

“I need to get a good look at your eyes,” Strange said, unperturbed, leaning even further into Tony's personal space. Steve wasn't even the one being scrutinized and it still made him slightly uncomfortable.

Tony grimaced. “Just hurry up and do it,” he gritted out. “This is making me nervous.”

“Alright. Who are you?” Strange asked, looking at Tony with calculating eyes.

“I'm Tony Stark,” Tony answered, scrunching up his nose right afterwards. That obviously wasn't what he'd meant to say.

“I see,” Strange said thoughtfully, leaning back and stroking his beard with one hand. “This wasn't caused by a chemical. It's a very powerful veritas curse, a lot more permanent than its chemical counterpart because it affects the mind, not the body. It is stored and transferred in a liquid vessel.” Strange gave Steve a serious look. "Has anyone come in contact with any of his bodily fluids?"

"What?" Steve asked and then flushed when the implication brought pictures to mind that he definitely shouldn't be thinking about in present company. "Uh, no. Why?"

Strange raised an eyebrow at him before thankfully deciding not to point out Steve's weird reaction. "The curse is contagious. Or it was, until now," Strange amended when Steve looked vaguely horrified. "It won't be once I cast the counter spell."

“Like an STD?” Tony asked and Strange ignored him.

“I believe it to be of Elven origin, but I can't be sure without taking a closer look into his mind.”

Steve nodded grimly. “Will that hurt him?”

“I'm sitting right here,” Tony deadpanned and smirked when the sarcasm got through. Well, he wasn't lying.

“No, it won't,” Strange said drily, stepping closer to Tony. “Who are you?” he asked again and Tony made a face.

“Tony Stark,” he answered quickly, looking very disgruntled by that fact. Strange put a hand on Tony's forehead and Steve could see Tony grit his teeth in concentration.

“Who are you?”

“Tony Stark,” Tony ground out, hands balling into fists. “I'm Tony Stark!”

“Who are y–“

“I'm _Tony Stark!”_

Sensing Tony's growing anger Steve moved forward to put a hand on his shoulder. “It's okay, Tony, you –“

“I'm Tony Stark!” Tony spat and the frustration in his voice was palpable as he slammed his fist down on the table. “Dammit! I'm trying to say I'm Kelly Clarkson!” He looked surprised for a second before he smirked wildly. “I did it! I'm Tony Stark! _Fuck!”_

“That's all I needed, thanks,” Strange said nonchalantly, letting go of Tony's forehead to draw circles in the air, an orange symbol lighting up in the center. Tony's breathing was a lot heavier than before and Steve was just about to say something when Tony suddenly slapped Steve's hand off his shoulder.

“Don't ask,” Tony gritted out through clenched teeth, his head stubbornly turned away. He was clearly frustrated, but nothing good would come out of making him spell it out so Steve relented, taking a step back.

“I can counter the curse,” Strange said a moment later, apparently reading something in the orange lines he'd drawn up. “But it's rooted deep in your mind. It might take a few weeks for it to lose effect entirely –“

“A few _weeks?”_ Tony shrieked, eyes wide with panic. “Are you kidding me? I can't tell the truth for that long, my company will crash!”

Steve gave him a disapproving look and Tony scowled at him. “Oh fuck off. Nobody's honest in a board meeting.”

“Be that as it may,” Strange said carelessly, dusting off his coat. “The curse will weaken with the passage of time so it shouldn't be too hard to gain control over it. Until that happens however your company will be the least of your worries.” He gave Tony a serious look. “Nobody can know about this. All of your secrets, your technology, your information about the Avengers, everything is at the tip of your tongue, just one question away. I suggest you find ways to keep your mouth shut.”

“You think I haven't thought of that?” Tony snapped, but he had still gone pale as a sheet, his hands trembling faintly. “I won't let them have my tech. I'll kill myself before that happens.”

Steve choked when he registered that Tony was dead serious about that, but Strange just nodded.

“Good,” he said, placing his hand on Tony's forehead again. “You might feel a pinch.”

His hand started to glow and Tony closed his eyes, face twisting into a grimace. A few tense seconds later it was over and Strange stepped back as Tony let out a deep breath.

“It is a very intricate spell. I'm sorry, but this is all I can do,” Strange said, rotating his arm to open a portal. “Best of luck to you, Stark. Captain.”

Steve nodded grimly as Strange left, the portal closing behind him, before he turned towards Tony. Tony stubbornly refused to look at him, arms crossed over his chest as he silently sulked. Steve sighed.

“Alright. It's a moot point, but just to be clear, you're benched until this whole thing blows over.”

Tony rolled his eyes, not answering.

“Alright,” Steve said again, nodding to himself. “Now, we'll need to take some preventive measures –“

“Oh no we don't,” Tony cut in. “Best course of action is to pretend everything's normal. If people notice my absence during a battle, fine, we can't prevent that. There are enough ways to explain that away. But outside of it I'll have to keep up appearances. If people start asking questions we're screwed.”

Steve nodded tersely, conceding the point. “Fine. Do you need anything?”

“I need – What do any of us really need except the bare necessities,” Tony said and while just that tiny diversion had brought sweat to his forehead he grinned triumphantly. “Fuck yeah, I can do this.”

Steve hummed approvingly. “Good. I'm counting on you.”

“Yeah, because I live to please you.” Tony clapped a hand over his mouth, looking at Steve like a deer in the headlights. “Fuck, I'm sorry. That just slipped out.”

Steve breathed out slowly, trying to conceal the stunned hurt welling up in him. “Sorry. I didn't mean to prompt you.”

“Don't worry, it's not your fault that I can't measure up. Oh my God, please leave,” Tony groaned, dragging a hand over his face.

Not taking any chances Steve left without another word, head reeling with that revelation. How long had Tony felt like he needed to meet some sort of expectation from Steve? He looked back to find Tony bent over a desk, his head in his hands, the very picture of misery. Steve closed the door with a heavy heart.

He couldn't wait for this to be over.


	3. Chapter 3

“No, absolutely not.”

“But _Pepper_ ,” Tony whined and he sounded just desperate enough to get her attention. “I really can't come to the gala, I swear I have a good reason.”

“Oh yeah? Let's hear it then,” she said in annoyance. “And make it quick, I don't have –“

“I got hit with an alien curse that makes me tell the truth no matter what and Strange tried to fix it this morning but he said it'll take a few weeks for it go away and you _know_ I can't tell the truth in a room filled with high society, it would be a _blood bath!”_

She blinked, mentally sifting through that word vomit until she had everything neatly sorted into understandable bits. Then she groaned. “What?”

“I can't lie. Or tell half-truths for that matter. The truth and nothing but the truth,” Tony said miserably and his tone more than his words made her realize that this was actually serious. She covered her face with her hands.

“Oh, Tony. What do we do now?”

“I was kinda hoping you'd tell me that,” he said with a tense smile. “Can't you just be my stand-in? Tell them I'm occupied with Avengers business or something.”

“Tony,” she sighed heavily. “I can't do that. It's your mother's gala, you never miss it. People will ask questions.”

“Yeah, that's exactly what I'm afraid of.”

“Look, we can both agree that it would be best if you just stayed home,” she said. “But this event is really important and it'll raise more suspicion for you not to show up than it will if you accidentally insult the ambassador of Bangladesh. Again.”

“She'd deserve it,” Tony grumbled under his breath. “Grabbed my ass three times in one night and then acted like I was gonna rape her when I made a move. Fucking psycho.”

“Okay,” Pepper said loudly, clapping her hands together. “We have four hours until the gala. I'll tell your stylists to move your schedule up so we have more time to prepare for the actual event. No, listen to me!” She put a hand over Tony's mouth when he started to protest. “This is less than ideal, I know, believe me. But it would be a PR nightmare for you not to be there and we really don't need to draw attention to your situation right now.” She smiled crookedly. “Besides, if you offend anyone people will just see it as one of your quirks. Hopefully.”

He grimaced. “I know I'm mostly tactless but there are still some lines I wouldn't usually cross.”

“I know that,” Pepper said reassuringly, patting his shoulder. “But _they_ don't. Now come along, we'll get your hair done first.”

“Wait,” Tony exclaimed, digging his heels in when Pepper tried to pull him along. “I haven't agreed to anything yet! What if someone asks me about SI and I just spill all of R&D's secrets?”

Pepper turned to him with a thoughtful frown. “That's a good point. Someone should be with you throughout the evening.”

“I know it's – wait, what?” Tony frowned at her. “I don't want a bodyguard. I can take care of myself.”

“I know you can,” she said and her tone sounded a little condescending even to her. She cleared her throat. “You can, but as long as you can't control what comes out of your mouth you need someone to divert at least some of the attention. And I'm not thinking bodyguard, more like a plus one.”

Tony smiled tersely. “Usually that would be right up my alley, but I don't think –“

“How about Steve?”

Tony blinked. “What?”

“Steve,” she repeated, already typing into her phone as she spoke. “He draws a lot of attention and people won't question why you brought him along. It's perfect.”

“No, it's not!” Tony snapped, waving his arms. “Hello? Me and Captain America? People will spin it into an epic fucking shit story, 'Tony Stark defiling national icon', I can just imagine the headlines –“

“I didn't mean as your date,” Pepper deadpanned and Tony's mouth snapped shut.

“Oh.”

Pepper raised an eyebrow at him. “It's only out of respect for your privacy that I'm not going to dig deeper into that.” She held up her phone with a winning smile. “Besides, he already said yes. Now get your ass to your stylists or I'll kick it into gear.”

He sighed heavily as he trudged out of the room and Pepper did a double take when she noticed that the back of his neck was actually a bit red. Huh.

Now that was an interesting development. She couldn't wait to tell Natasha about it.

 

Steve adjusted his tie – again – as he looked at his watch. Ms Potts had told him to be there at eight pm sharp and yet there was no sign of her or Tony in the lobby. The receptionist was starting to look a little weirded out by his presence and he couldn't blame her. He felt really out of place in his tuxedo when everyone else was wearing regular clothes. Well, high class regular, but he'd gotten used to that over the months that he'd lived in Avengers tower. Tony's workers all wore very fancy clothing.

He perked up when he finally heard the sound of Pepper's heels down the corridor, too far away for them to know he could actually hear them already.

“Pull yourself together,” Pepper was hissing, presumably at Tony. “We talked about this. No drinks. I'll tell the bartender to give you apple juice or something.”

“But Pep, Pepsicakes, buttercup –“

“No!” Her voice was so filled with steel that it made even Steve feel chastised. “You're going to at least try, okay? I don't want you using the drunk excuse if you can help it.”

“I always try!” Tony protested. “I just fuck up most of the time!”

Steve closed his eyes. This was going to be a disaster.

“Just – trust me!” Pepper hissed right as they entered the lobby, abruptly changing her demeanor to distant professionalism as she made a beeline towards Steve with a clearly reluctant Tony in tow. Steve straightened his shoulders to greet her properly, holding out a hand as soon as she was in reach.

“It's a pleasure, Ms Potts,” he said politely and she looked almost amused as she grabbed his hand and shook it.

“Pleasure,” she responded in kind, nudging Tony forward. “Now behave. Happy's in the garage with the limo.” She turned to Steve. “As for you, please just keep him from causing any international incidents. We can't afford another one this month.”

Tony rolled his eyes but Steve determinedly grabbed his arm and started pulling him towards the elevators. “I will, Ms Potts.” To Tony he said “We should hurry, the gala started half an hour ago.”

“Do you even understand the concept of fashionably late?” Tony scoffed and Steve frowned at him.

“Those people are there to see _you_. You can't keep them waiting like this, it's just rude.”

“Waiting builds suspense,” Tony said. “People would think I'm losing my touch if I got there on time.”

Steve shook his head in disbelief. “You live in a very strange world, Tony.”

“It's your world, too,” Tony said, a little indignantly. “You've just never seen this side of it. Not that that's a bad thing. Probably better that way actually, you'd hate the high life.”

“Definitely,” Steve agreed as they arrived at the garage. Happy was already waving at them from the limousine. “All those weird rules and pretenses. It's just a big show to distract you from people's agendas. Nobody there really knows each other.”

“That's kind of the point,” Tony said offhandedly. “You pretend to be into all that shallow shit so they'll never know how to hit you where it actually hurts.”

Steve gave him a long look as Tony climbed into the limo before he followed slowly. “You're a complicated man, Tony.”

“What?” Tony actually looked confused so Steve just shook his head, looking out the window as Happy started the car.

“Nothing.”

 

They arrived at just the right moment to mingle with the small crowd on the red carpet – not a coincidence, Tony made Happy go around the block three times before he was satisfied – and were immediately greeted by a dozen microphones shoved in their faces.

“Mr Stark! What are your plans for the Avengers Initiative after the most recent attack?”

“To keep as many people safe as we can,” Tony replied with an easy grin. Steve could see the strain behind it though. “We're working hard on rebuilding and establishing safety protocols. So far it seems like a success.”

“Do you think the aliens might come back?”

“The situation is under control,” Steve butted in and Tony's shoulders ever so slightly relaxed. “We are monitoring any suspicious activities but so far there has been none. But we'll continue doing all we can to be prepared for any eventualities.”

“Mr Stark, what changes can be expected regarding Stark Industries' international relations –?”

Tony opened his mouth but quickly strode past the reporter. Steve could still see him mumbling the answer under his breath.

“Mr Stark! Do you think that the Hulk's presence poses a risk to the city of New York?“

Steve fell into step with Tony, trying to shield him from the reporter's view as well as he could, but Tony answered anyway.

“If you don't give Dr Banner a reason to get angry you don't have anything to fear.”

“But you agree that –“

“Bruce Banner is a valuable teammate,” Steve said sternly, giving the reporter a hard look. “I will not stand for any badmouthing of one of the men who saved this city from destruction. The Hulk protected you the same as any of us.”

Tony had gone on ahead and was almost past the reporters when one last question rang out.

“Mr Stark! Can we get a statement on your relationship with Pepper Potts?”

Steve was about to protest when Tony suddenly shouted back.

“What's there to say? She dumped my ass! It's not like any of you were expecting anything different!”

Before Steve could get a good look at his face Tony turned and left. Steve stood there in silence for a moment before he hurried after him, ignoring the calls asking him to comment. He found Tony immediately inside right as he grabbed a glass from a nearby waiter and downed it in one go. Steve quickly reached for his forearm to pull him aside.

“Tony!” he hissed. “Pepper said –“

“I know what she said,” Tony snapped back in annoyance. “She tipped off the waiters, I'm just having – oh. Hey!” From one second to the next Tony's frown disappeared to be replaced by a pleasant grin, hiding even the discomfort in his eyes. The change was so drastic that it made Steve's head spin. “George! And is that Rebecca? Wow, she grew up fast, didn't she?”

“I did,” the young girl that had approached them said coquettishly as the older man next to her laughed. Rebecca blushed slightly as she looked at Steve. “You must be Captain Rogers. It's such an honor to meet you.”

Steve grabbed her hand and kissed it with a small smile. “Thank you, madam. The pleasure is all mine.”

She giggled and Tony said “Wow, tone it down a bit, will you? She's only sixteen.”

Steve could feel his cheeks warm as he sputtered, but the old man – George – patted him on the shoulder.

“Don't you worry about that. I should be so lucky to have Captain America as my grandson.”

Steve laughed awkwardly and Tony gave him an apologetic look that Steve responded to with a very subtle grimace.

“Anyway, we should make our rounds first,” Tony said. “Pepper will get mad if I don't at least try to greet everyone. Talk to you later, George!”

“Oh, yes, far be it from me to hog our gracious host. But say, would it be possible to borrow the Captain for a bit?” George asked with a twinkle in his eye. “I'm sure Rebecca would love to swap stories with him.”

Rebecca's face turned even more red and Steve hurried to reply. “My apologies, Sir, but I'm going to stick with Tony for the evening.”

The old man looked between them with a suddenly contemplating look on his face. “Of course, I apologize. Is Captain Rogers your date for the evening, Tony?”

“More like my bodyguard,” Tony said and Steve could see his attempt to stop talking but the words still came forth. “He's here to keep me from spilling all my dirty secrets.”

George laughed heartily, clapping him on the shoulder. “Now that should be a challenge. Have a good evening, gentlemen.”

“You too,” Steve said, nodding at Rebecca one last time before he followed Tony into the throng of people.

“That was way too close,” Tony hissed under his breath. “I almost told him his toupee was crooked.”

Steve couldn't help his surprised snort and Tony gave him a withering look as soon as his back was turned to the other guests.

“I get the feeling that this is funny to you.”

“Not at all actually,” Steve said, feeling his shoulders tense up slightly when he felt someone approach them from behind. “Just try to keep it up. You're doing well.”

Tony gave him a doubtful look before his face transformed into his public mask again. Steve would never not find that fascinating. Out of all the poker faces he'd ever seen only Natasha's could rival Tony's. The man was unreadable when he wanted to be.

“Tina, Joel,” Tony called out jovially, opening his arms to the approaching couple. “I didn't see you on my way in! How are the kids?”

By the time they'd made their rounds Steve already felt exhausted. And he hadn't even done most of the talking, only butted in when the conversation went in a truly dangerous direction. He was quietly impressed with how well Tony was doing, managing to not only avoid insulting anyone but also make jokes that had just enough truth in them to be funny but weren't honest enough to sting. If Steve hadn't already known that Tony could run circles around anyone in a conversation he was utterly convinced now.

“I want this to be over,” Tony admitted quietly, nursing another glass of whatever it was the waiter gave him instead of alcohol. They were leaning on one of the standing tables off to the side, taking a well deserved break from all the mind-numbing smalltalk. “I'm getting a headache from all this bullshit. And I can barely look at the Swedish minister of Economics without saying that her dress makes her look like a stuffed sausage.”

Steve had to try very hard to give Tony a disapproving look instead of laughing. “That's not very nice.”

“Green is so not her color,” Tony said in such a despairing tone that Steve couldn't help the way his lips twitched upwards. Tony pointed at him accusingly. “See? You think so, too. You're just too polite to say it.”

“You can't prove anything,” Steve sniffed and Tony grinned.

“I love when you're bratty like this. Shows that you're still human like the rest of us.”

Steve froze, staring at Tony, but Tony was already looking away, sipping his juice. Like he hadn't just admitted to loving something about Steve. It was probably pathetic how happy it made Steve to know that there was a part of him that Tony liked but he really couldn't deny how it made him feel.

“Well if it isn't Tony Stark! The man of the hour!”

Steve barely suppressed a flinch at the sudden interruption. He saw the way Tony's eyes tightened before he plastered on a smile and turned to greet the newcomer. “Hammer! I'd like to say it's great to see you, but it's really not.”

The Hammer guy laughed, just as fake as everyone else they'd seen tonight. Something about the look in his eyes set Steve's teeth on edge.

“Funny as always, Tony,” Hammer said and he sounded just as slimy as he looked. His eyes wandered over to Steve, looking him up and down appraisingly. Steve's spine involuntarily straightened. “I don't think we've had the pleasure. Don't you want to introduce me to your friend, Tony?”

“No, I don't,” Tony said bluntly before he gritted his teeth and waved a hand at Hammer. “Steve, meet Justin Hammer, the royal pain in my ass. Hammer, this is Steve Rogers aka Captain America, but if you didn't know that already I'm seriously questioning your intellect. Not that I hold that in high regard anyway.”

Hammer's eyes narrowed. “You're just full of cheer tonight, aren't you, Tony?” Steve really didn't like the way he kept using Tony's first name when it was clear that neither of them liked the other very much. Hammer turned towards him, a wide smile on his face as he held out his hand. “It's a pleasure to meet you, Captain. Your reputation precedes you.”

Steve shook his hand firmly, giving him a short nod. “Likewise. I can't say the same though.”

Hammer seemed to falter for a second before a snort from Tony shook him out of it, his smile a little more wooden than before. “I see spending so much time with Tony has acclimatized you to his particular sense of humor. You should know that not all of us 21st century dwellers are so keen on that sort of... abrasiveness.”

Well, that was just shy of open hostility. And they'd gotten there in under a minute, too. Steve put on his best USO smile, shrugging innocently.

“Don't let him fool you, Hammer,” Tony chimed in before Steve could say anything. “He doesn't need my influence to be a snarky little shit. That's all Steve Rogers, born and bred.” Tony gave him a smile that eased some of the tension in Steve's shoulders. The way Tony said it, not at all like an insult but with a barely hidden fondness, actually made Steve's cheeks feel a bit warm. Christ, he needed to pull himself together.

Hammer started to look disgruntled so Steve sighed, deciding to take the high road.

“My apologies,” he said, trying to sound as sincere as he could. “I suppose I've spent too much time in war zones. My social skills are a bit rusty.”

Hammer waved him off. “Oh, not to worry. I'm used to dealing with it from our gracious host.” His eyes twinkled meanly. “Though he doesn't have the excuse of a war. Pity that, it might have actually taught him some respect for authority.”

Steve felt his hands clench into fists at the underhanded insult. “You should tell me about your own experience in the army sometime,” he said a little too earnestly to be anything but an obvious provocation. “I'm sure you could tell me some interesting stories, one soldier to another.”

Hammer laughed. “Oh, no. I _provide_ the weapons. Unlike other manufacturers I prefer not to use them myself.” He glanced at Tony. “In my humble opinion it's not very befitting of a business man to pretend like they're above the regulations.” Another unsubtle jab. Steve bristled.

“Don't worry, Justin,” Tony said icily before Steve could open his mouth. “Nobody would ever mistake you for a man who fought the good fight, even if you put on a suit. How's that coming along by the way?”

Hammer visibly gritted his teeth before he abruptly laughed it off, waving a hand at Tony. “What are you even saying? I think we both know better than to assume that I'm trying to – what? Follow in your footsteps? Please.”

“That would hold a lot more weight if you hadn't tried to rip me off in the past,” Tony said bluntly and Hammer laughed again.

“Oh, let's just let bygones be bygones, shall we? I have no desire to get into your whole pretense of heroics, Stark.”

“Tony deserves every bit of the recognition he's gotten,” Steve gritted out, taking a subtle step towards Hammer. “He has proven himself to the team over and over again and I am proud to have him at my side. Without him the Avengers wouldn't even be half the team that we are.” He could feel Tony's eyes boring into the side of his face but he refused to look away from Hammer. That man should learn to be careful with what he said about Steve's teammates.

“I see,” Hammer said, fake grin back in full swing. “So tell me, Tony. What's it like to live with heroes? Chased anyone out of the house yet?”

Tony's face tightened as he replied. “A lot changed when they moved in. But some things stayed the same. I like having them there most of the time.”

Steve had to hide his surprise at that. He'd always secretly wondered if Tony had just offered the tower as a living space because Fury had pressured him into it but apparently Tony really didn't mind their presence there. The thought made him almost absurdly happy.

But Tony's face twisted in a way that showed he was concentrating immensely.

_Diverting the question._

“Really? A lone wolf like you? I never would've thought you'd be comfortable sharing your home like that. Well, if it was the occupants of the playboy mansion maybe I wouldn't be surprised, but this?”

Drops of sweat appeared on Tony's forehead. “I don't sleep around like that anymore. Besides, I –”

Tony bit his lip, cutting off whatever he was going to say. He still looked relatively calm but Steve knew him well enough to see the thinly veiled panic behind his eyes. Shit.

“What?” Hammer asked, openly gloating at Tony's discomfort. “I didn't quite catch that, Tony, could you repeat it?”

“I don't want to,” Tony gritted out and Steve had had enough.

He put a hand on Tony's shoulder, putting on his best concerned face.

“You're looking a bit pale, Tony, are you alright?” he asked quietly and Tony glanced at him.

“No,” he muttered and Steve clucked his tongue, gripping his shoulder tighter.

“I told you coming out here with that fever was a bad idea. Do you want me to get you some water?”

“A gin tonic would be great,” Tony said and grimaced, pointing his thumb over his shoulder. “I think I'll just get it myself. It's been awful as always, Hammer. Hopefully I'll see less of you in the future.”

His control was slipping. Tony obviously knew it too because he feigned a stumble that Steve dutifully played into.

“You drank on your medication?” he hissed just loud enough that Hammer would hear it. “What the hell Tony, you said you'd –“

“Save it,” Tony said harshly, shrugging Steve off. “I didn't even have a drop.”

He slurred his words slightly and Steve could see Hammer exchange a glance with his entourage out of the corner of his eye. They'd bought it. Great.

“Just –“ Steve sighed, giving Hammer a purposely uncomfortable sideways glance. “Just go get some air, alright? I'll tell Pepper to arrange for someone to get you home.”

“No one's going home,” Tony said, rolling his eyes. He readily stepped towards the stairs though. “I'm just gonna go to the roof.”

“You do that,” Steve said, making sure to look after him with a troubled expression as he left. Not that there was much acting required for that.

“So, Captain Rogers.” Steve turned back to Hammer with what he hoped was a civil enough expression. Hammer didn't seem deterred by his lack of enthusiasm, grinning widely at him. “How would you feel about meeting up with me sometime to discuss your options? It seems SHIELD is relying solely on Stark Tech to provide their gear and let me tell you, in my experience that sort of monopoly can be dangerous.”

Steve could practically feel his hackles go up. Was he seriously –

“Hammer Tech is still one of the best on the market. And we would be very interested in doing business with SHIELD,” Hammer said, either not noticing or ignoring Steve's rising anger. “With you as a potential liaison we might –“

“No offense, Mr Hammer,” Steve cut him off coolly. “But Mr Stark already provides us with state of the art tech, not to mention his innovative progress with green energy. I highly doubt that there is anything you could offer SHIELD that Director Fury would seriously consider an upgrade.”

Hammer's smile turned sharp like steel. “I see.” He nodded his head at the staircase. “You should probably look after your precious innovator. If he's not careful he might take an accidental tumble off the roof.”

Steve's hands balled into fists but before he could respond to the blatant threat Hammer turned away, marching off without a backwards glance. Steve let out a controlled breath as he put down his glass as slowly as he could before walking towards the stairs, trying to appear casual. As soon as he reached the corridor he sprinted up three steps at a time, making it to the roof in less than a minute to push the door open and –

Oh thank god.

He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Tony sitting on one of the walls near the helicopter landing pad, looking up at the sky. Steve made his way over slowly so he wouldn't startle Tony when he sat down next to him. They watched the stars in silence for a moment before Tony spoke cautiously.

“Did he say anything? After I left?”

Steve shook his head. “Nothing substantial.”

Tony hummed but he still looked troubled. “I really hate that guy,” he said with a grimace, rubbing at his chest. Steve frowned.

“You okay, Tony?”

“Just the arc – dammit.”

“The reactor?” Steve asked, eyes wide in alarm as they shifted down to the steadily glowing light in Tony's chest. “What's wrong with it? Are you –“

“It hurts,” Tony ground out with a face like he was sucking on a lemon. “Dammit, when will you people _stop asking me questions?”_

Steve frowned. “This is serious, Tony. Is there anyone we can call for help?”

“No one but me knows how to work it,” Tony admitted and his face was just resigned now, a look Steve had never seen before on Tony's face. He looked old all of a sudden. Steve didn't like it.

“No one?” he asked, feeling frustration rise in him. “That's insane, Tony! What if something happens to it while you're unconscious? Or if it gets damaged? Can JARVIS repair it?”

Tony snorted. “There's nothing _to_ repair. If the arc gets compromised the only thing you can do is replace it. I wouldn't trust anyone else to fix it, not even Bruce. It's way too advanced. If it shorts out and there's no replacement I'll die within a few minutes.”

And Tony had said many things over the past few days, but that hit Steve like a punch in the gut. “You never told me what to do if the reactor shuts down,” he said numbly. “I doubt the rest of the team knows either.”

Tony glanced at him from the corner of his eye before he looked back at the skyline. “I have two spare reactors in the shop. Pepper knows where they are.”

Steve nodded to himself, trying not to let the anger rise. All this time, after months of missions and team dinners, Tony hadn't told anyone on the team about this, this vital piece of information that could literally save Tony's life. Where the hell did he get off –

But it wasn't really Steve's place to judge.

“You said it hurts,” Steve said quietly, eyes firmly fixed on the streets below. “Is there anything I can do?”

Tony sighed, looking at the sky with tired eyes. “It always hurts, Steve.”

Steve took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I'm sorry, Tony.”

“Don't,” Tony snapped, voice suddenly sharp. “I'm only sitting here right now because it's keeping me alive. Without it I would have died in a cave ages ago. I'm grateful that I have it. And you don't get to pity me for the choices I made to survive.”

“It's not pity,” Steve said sadly, hoping he didn't sound overbearing. “I just... I care about you, Tony. I wish you didn't have to hurt is all.”

“God, I hated you as a child.” Steve's head whipped around to find Tony staring at the ground with wide eyes like he hadn't expected himself to say that.

“What?”

“Howard used to tell me stories about you. And he always made it clear that he loved you a lot more than he ev–I'm going to the shop now, I'm about to open that door and take the stairs.” Tony was scrambling to his feet now, his eyes filled with terror. “I will go downstairs one step at a time and when I'm down there I'll take the elevator and –“

He was still babbling when he slammed the door behind him, leaving Steve alone on the landing pad, sadness and guilt sitting like stones in his gut.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go again. I just wanna say a quick thanks to all of you who always write such nice comments, it really keeps me going. Also, thanks for all the kudos, I really appreciate it!  
> After this chapter we'll finally see some development of the Stony kind :) I hope you enjoy this one!

“So, I guess I don't have to ask how it went,” Natasha said, raising an eyebrow at Steve who was hunched over, panting heavily with the sand of multiple punching bags strewn around him. “You wanna talk about it?”

Steve wiped his forehead with the back of his hand before he picked up the next bag, putting it up on the metal hook. “Not really,” he said, starting up his routine again. The familiar rhythm – punch, jab, uppercut – usually would've calmed him but even after sleeping on it he couldn't get Tony's words out of his head. He only punched harder, already seeing the seams come apart under his fists. It did nothing to help with his anger.

“The sandbag's not doing it for you, is it?” she asked rhetorically and Steve felt annoyance rise in him. He didn't want to take his frustration out on Natasha but if she kept digging like that – “How about sparring with me?”

Steve turned to give her a quizzical look and saw that she was already halfway through her stretches, bouncing on the tips of her feet.

“Come on, it'll be fun. I'll go easy on you if you want.”

Steve had to smile despite himself. “I'll put you through the mat if you do that.”

“Don't ever let anyone else hear that. They might get the wrong idea.” Steve flushed and Natasha laughed. “I'm kidding. Come on, let's go.”

They really didn't go easy. Steve might be stronger than Natasha, a lot stronger, but she was agile and fast and had tricks up her sleeve that made it hard to get a grip on her. By the time Steve finally put her on the mat she had almost twisted his arm off twice and his ribs stung from the precise stabs she dealt with her fingers.

“Not bad,” she panted, twisting until he loosened his grasp just enough for her to flip them, getting her thighs around his neck. He choked, trying to dislodge her with the arm she hadn't pinned to the ground.

“Not fair,” he ground out, rolling backwards to flip his legs over his head, effectively turning them until he was on top though her chokehold only tightened.

“If you're looking at a fair fight you didn't plan your mission properly,” she said, gasping when he finally ripped out of her hold by sheer force, pinning her more firmly this time. He didn't let up even when she started to squirm, only letting go when she rolled her eyes and tapped the floor in defeat. He rolled onto his back, trying to catch his breath and feeling a lot lighter than before. Sometimes getting out all your pent-up frustration with a partner really was a lot better than doing it yourself.

He flushed when he realized that ah shit, that sounded – aaand he was thinking about Tony again. Fuck.

Steve sighed, putting an arm across his face to hopefully hide his reddening cheeks. He knew better than to expect Natasha not to notice.

“So, Tony.”

He could feel his cheeks heat up even more and she sighed.

“I assume he said something that made you uncomfortable? Or question your relationship?”

“You could say that,” Steve grumbled in embarrassment. “Not that I – I mean, he just has all these hidden insecurities and – well, I guess I didn't think I was the reason for most of them.” He let his arm fall back to his side, staring blankly at the ceiling. “He seems to think I'm holding him to impossible standards, like he needs to impress me or something. And the more I talk to him the more I think he doesn't like me very much.”

When Natasha didn't answer immediately he turned his head to find her openly staring at him, her face not giving anything away. Steve frowned.

“What?”

She shook her head and if he didn't know better he'd say that was a hint of exasperation on her face. “Nothing. Just not what I expected.”

His frown deepened. “What does that mean?”

“You'll find out in your own time,” she said and he huffed.

“Yeah, sure.”

They sat in silence for a bit as Steve mulled over his and Tony's conversation last night.

“Did you know?” he asked eventually. “About the reactor?”

“What about it?”

Steve sat up to face her. “If it gets compromised it's a matter of minutes before his heart gives out. And the only way to fix it is to replace the reactor entirely.”

Natasha hummed. “He didn't tell me that, no.” She didn't look surprised to hear it though.

“But Fury knows?” Steve asked and she shrugged.

“Probably.”

Steve breathed out heavily, rubbing a hand over his face. “Jesus Christ. He could've died so easily and none of us could've prevented it.”

Natasha frowned. “It's _Tony,_ Steve. I'm sure he has failsafes in place –“

“He should've just _told us,_ ” Steve snapped, wincing at his own volume. “Sorry. I just –“ He took a calming breath. “I just feel bad that he had to deal with it by himself all this time. What if he doesn't think he can be honest with us?”

Natasha snorted. “Yeah, I wouldn't worry about that. Tony is an honest guy. Brutally honest really.”

“But –“

“His public persona is different.” Natasha gave him a stern look. “You know that. You have one too.”

Steve sighed. “Of course I know that. But we're his friends, right? He should have told us about this. It could save his life someday.”

Natasha hummed, tilting her head. “I agree.”

“Then how can you say–“

“Look, Steve,” Natasha cut him off. “He's opened up to us a lot, I hope you realize that. On our first movie night he was in silk Pjs and put on Real Steel because he wanted to shit on the robot design. Now he shows up with bedhead and iron man boxers and demands Mary Poppins.” She shook her head with a smile. “He wouldn't let us see him like that if he didn't trust us. But being honest isn't the same as being forthcoming, and that's something he's definitely not. Not that I blame him.”

Steve averted his eyes, still feeling her gaze boring into him. She tilted her head.

“This isn't about the team at all, is it? You're scared that he might tell you what he really thinks about you. And that it won't be good.”

He gave her a defiant look but didn't deny it. She sighed, shaking her head.

“Seriously. You're both so emotionally constipated it's almost sad. Hiding won't help, you know?”

“I'm not –“ Steve huffed in frustration. “Look, I just don't want to make him uncomfortable, that's all.”

“Sure.” She shrugged. “I'm sure it has nothing to do with fear of rejection.”

His head whipped up. “Why do you –“

“Steve,” she said and his mouth snapped shut as he averted his eyes from her knowing look.

“How long have you known?” he asked quietly.

She hummed. “If you actually think you were even remotely hiding it then you really need to evaluate your strategies.”

Steve chuckled, running a hand through his hair. “Right.”

“So,” she said, sitting down next to him. “What are you going to do about it?”

He gave her a bewildered look. “What? Nothing!”

“Why?”

“Are you kidding me?” Steve asked incredulously. “Me and Tony wouldn't – and it's not like he –“ He couldn't even finish the sentence, too hesitant to talk about things like this even after he'd had months to get used to the future. Just because it was okay now didn't mean he'd really come to terms with it. He bristled at Natasha's pitying look. “What?”

“So you're not even going to try?”

He gritted his teeth, looking away. Natasha sighed.

“I thought you were supposed to be brave.”

“There's a difference between being brave and taking unnecessary risks,” Steve said and even he could hear the rankled undertone in his voice. “We're just becoming friends. I'm not going to compromise that.”

Natasha shrugged, rising to her feet. “That's your call. I'm just saying, maybe taking the leap wouldn't be such a bad idea.”

He looked after her until she was at the door, then let his head fall back against the wall. Why did it always feel like Natasha knew something he didn't?

Steve slowly unwrapped his hands, taking a couple seconds to massage the worst of the strain out of his palms. The bruises on his knuckles had already faded into almost nothing. He was getting hungry though.

After he'd cleaned up the wreckage left by the sandbags as best he could Steve took the elevator to the common floor, trusting the cleaning bots to take care of the rest. He'd barely even stepped into the kitchen when a sudden gasp halted him in his tracks.

“Shit,” Tony exclaimed, grabbing his chest. He stood by the kitchen island, apparently waiting for his coffee to finish brewing. “Jesus, you scared me! If I'd known you'd be here I wouldn't have come up.” He winced. “Fuck, sorry, I didn't mean to say that.”

Steve sighed, trying not to show the hurt on his face. “I know. It's fine, Tony, you can't help it.”

“Don't be so understanding, I'm being an asshole and you don't deserve it. I should just keep to myself so I can't talk shit at any of you,” Tony said, face twisting into a grimace. “Please ignore me.”

Steve looked at Tony with sad eyes. “You don't have to isolate yourself, Tony. We all understand –“

“And I can't deal with your understanding. It was so much easier when all of you hated me.” Tony looked almost as stunned by his admission as Steve felt.

“Is that what you think?” Steve asked with a sinking feeling in his stomach. “That we hated you?”

“Most people hate me when they meet me. It's understandable.” Tony ground out, looking away. “I don't really make it easy to like me.”

Steve really shouldn't ask, but – “What do you mean?”

Tony huffed, starting to look annoyed by Steve's questions. “Ever since my dad died I've never not been the smartest person in a room. And I'm brutally honest. I just rub people the wrong way. But that's fine, I love pushing buttons when I can anyway.” Tony smiled sardonically. “Basically people don't like me because I'm an asshole.”

Steve felt something in his heart twist at the nonchalant way Tony said that. “You're not – Tony, we don't _hate_ you.”

“You did at first,” Tony said, raising an eyebrow. “If we weren't forced to work together you probably wouldn't have come around either. You hate bullies, Cap.”

“You're _not_ a bully!” Steve said, a bit sharper than he intended. “You're a good guy.”

Tony snorted. “Good guys don't build a fortune on killing people.”

“You didn't –“ Steve cut himself off before he could get too loud, pinching his nose. “Please tell me you understand the difference between purposely killing someone and people dying because you didn't know that your partner was dealing under the table.”

“Don't talk to me like a child,” Tony said frostily. “And I knew my weapons were killing _someone,_ Cap. It's not like I thought they'd use them as doorstops.”

“Still –“ Steve protested and Tony held up a hand.

“No. Fact is, even if I didn't pull the trigger I still played a part in the deaths of millions of people. And I don't even want to know the dark figure of people whose life I've made worse over the years. You weren't awake for my wild years but trust me when I say that it was bad.”

“And all the lives you saved, do those count for nothing?” Steve snapped, clenching his fists. How could Tony talk about himself like this? He didn't even seem ashamed like he did when he blurted out something he didn't want anyone to know. Had this always been lurking under the surface and they all just hadn't asked the right questions? “Without you New York would be a nuclear wasteland, those terrorists would have kept killing innocent people –“

“That doesn't magically absolve me from all of my crimes,” Tony said, an angry crease appearing on his forehead. “I'm not a good person just because I shut down a machine of my own making.”

“No, you're not,” Steve agreed. “You're an _amazing_ person because you overcame your own struggles and decided to use your influence for good. Most people wouldn't do that.”

Tony stared at him silently for a long time before he spoke. “If you think I actually overcame any of my struggles then you're even more naive than I thought.” And there it was again, that hint of regret in his eyes, but before he could apologize Steve held up a hand.

“Just don't,” he sighed tiredly, giving Tony a small smile. “Even if you don't think so, you've changed the lives of many people for the better. Mine for starters. So don't sell yourself short. You're the most amazing person I've met in this century so far.”

Tony seemed stunned silent by that admission and Steve used the opportunity to grab a sandwich from the fridge. By the time he turned back around Tony had caught himself and was pressing his lips tightly together, apparently holding back an unwanted response. Steve sighed.

“Good talk,” he said sarcastically and Tony snorted, seemingly caught off guard.

“Yeah, we absolutely shouldn't do this again,” Tony said and Steve tried to give him a smile. It probably looked more like a grimace.

“I'll try to stay out of your way.”

“No need,” Tony said off-handedly. “I have a protocol for JARVIS to alert me of the presence of any Avenger before I enter a room when I want to avoid them. And one specifically for you.”

Oh. Okay.

“Fuck,” Tony groaned, putting his face in his hands. “I shouldn't have told you that.”

Steve nodded jerkily.

“Right. I'll just be –“ He pointed his thumb over his shoulder, not waiting for a response before he all but fled back down to the gym.

He could've sworn his weights felt heavier after that.

 

Pepper knew exactly what would be waiting for her in the workshop but she still couldn't suppress a sigh at Tony's bedraggled state. He looked even more frustrated than usual and he was muttering under his breath as he reassembled what looked like the armor's chest plate.

Pepper leaned against the door and watched him for a moment before she made her presence known.

“So Steve told me something interesting,” she said and Tony slammed his screwdriver down with a growl.

“That fucking asshole. I knew he'd run straight to you.”

“About the reactor.”

Tony looked surprised for a moment before he averted his eyes, pressing his lips tightly shut. Pepper sighed.

“Look, I don't want to take advantage of your situation right now –“

“Right,” Tony snorted. “You all say that. As if this isn't the perfect opportunity to expose me for being a lying piece of sh–“ Tony slapped a hand over his mouth, turning away as he kept muttering curses into his hand.

“Nobody thinks that about you, Tony, don't make it sound like we –” Pepper cut herself off once she managed to reign in her temper, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Tony. I don't want to ask you directly because I still want you to have the choice. But I really do believe that you would've told me eventually, so if there's anything that I should know –“

“I didn't like that blue sequined dress. It looked really ugly on you, but to be fair I think it would've looked ugly on anyone.” Tony stiffened, eyes wide as saucers as he turned back to Pepper. “Oh my God, don't _prompt_ me!”

Pepper just stared at him, completely dumbfounded. “I guess it _was_ a pretty ugly dress,” she said eventually.

“It was.” Tony's face scrunched up. “I swear I didn't want you to know that.”

“Yeah, I figured,” she said very slowly before she frowned. “Wait. What about the red one at the SI charity ball 2015? You said it looked great but then you told me to change –“

“Because I wanted to bend you over and rip that fucking mesh off with my teeth,” Tony blurted out, looking horrified. “Oh my god, I am so sorry, I swear I would never –“

“Yeah, okay,” Pepper interrupted him, mildly disturbed but also vaguely pleased. “That's a relief. I thought you hated that dress.”

“I _loved_ that dress,” Tony said, wrinkling his nose. “Just didn't want anyone else to see you in it.”

“Well.” Pepper smiled wistfully. “In its own messed up way that's actually kind of sweet, Tony. Why didn't you just tell me that?”

“I didn't want you to think I was a possessive jerk. You already had enough reasons to want out of the relationship, I didn't want to add another.”

The smile dropped off her face as quickly as it came. “Tony...”

“Don't,” he said, smiling crookedly at her. “I'm over it, I swear I am. You did the right thing.”

For a second they just looked at their respective corners of the room in silence, letting themselves recover from that moment.

“So,” Pepper said. “The arc.”

Tony sighed heavily and hung his head. For a second she thought he wouldn't speak, but then he looked up at her with a defeated glint in his eyes. “The reactor casing has been acting up,” he said. “It's shifting. I'm looking into a replacement.”

“Replacement?”

“Of the casing.”

Pepper raised an eyebrow. “You told me that replacing the core is impossible.”

“Not with Doctor Cho's help.” Tony glanced at Pepper for a second, biting his lip as he looked away. He couldn't keep the words from spilling forth though. “She agreed to do the surgery. It has an eighty-six percent chance of success – _damn it!”_

Pepper's eyes widened before they turned unbearably sad. “Tony...”

“I didn't tell you because –“ Tony grunted, struggling to force the words back in, but to no avail. “because I didn't think you'd want me to do it, but I would have done it anyway and I can't disappoint you again, Pepper. I can't stand the look on your face. You –“ He choked on a heavy breath. “You deserve better than that. You've always deserved better than me.”

Pepper could feel tears welling up in her eyes. “Tony –”

“I'm so sorry, Pep,” Tony gasped, face turning red with the effort of trying to divert his words. “All those years, hell, I can't even remember just how shitty it's been for you because half the time when I'm acting shitty I don't even know it until way after the fact. I'm that kind of asshole that doesn't even realize when he's being an asshole –“

“Tony, stop,” Pepper begged over his rant, but Tony couldn't stop the words, now that the flood gate was open he didn't stand a chance.

“– and I'm almost glad you broke up with me because it was the right choice and I would've never done it myself even though I should've, just cause I'm a selfish, self-absorbed piece of shit –“

Tony's head snapped to the side with the force of Pepper's slap. For a moment the only sound in the room was heavy breathing from him and her both before he turned back towards her with a resigned look.

“I deserved that.”

Pepper sucked in a sharp breath before closing her eyes and letting it back out in a painfully controlled manner. She looked up at Tony with sad eyes. “You don't even know how much it hurts me that you actually believe that.”

“I'm sorry,” Tony said miserably, eyes wide and apologetic. “You shouldn't have to listen to this. I'm being so pathetic right now –“

“No, Tony, stop it,” Pepper said sternly, gripping his jaw to force it shut even though Tony's mouth still strained against her grip with unsaid words. “You listen to me right now. Relationship or not I will always, _always_ be there to support you, alright? You're one of the few things in my life that I plan on never giving up and that means I won't allow anyone to trash talk you, not even you. _Especially_ not you.”

Her grip gentled when he stopped trying to talk over her and she used the pause to pull his head against her shoulder, cradling him in her arms. “We didn't work out, yes. But that's not just on you. I had unreasonable expectations and I tried to push you in a direction that's just not...” She swallowed heavily, looking off to the side. “I tried to change you, Tony. That wasn't fair to you, and I don't blame you for not fitting the mold I tried to push you in.”

“I never blamed you for that.”

Pepper sighed and closed her eyes. “I know. And that's why you're still hurting so much. You can't keep putting all the blame on yourself, Tony, it's not right.” She managed a shaky smile. “I demand at least twelve percent.”

Tony laughed tearfully into her shoulder, wrapping his arms around her waist to hold her tight. “Twelve percent is not a fair deal, Ms Potts. I thought we'd established that.”

“Better than a fourteen percent chance of you dying,” she said a little too sharply and regretted it immediately when he winced. “Sorry, I –“

“Fourteen percent with surgery, thirty-six without,” Tony mumbled and winced when Pepper stiffened in his arms. “Ah, fuck, I didn't –“

“You're dying?” Pepper choked out, pulling away to look at Tony with wide, scared eyes. “ _Again?_ Tony, why didn't you –“

“It's –“ Tony huffed as he ran a hand through his hair, looking off to the side with what Pepper clearly recognized as guilt in his eyes. “It's not immediate. JARVIS estimated that with the reactor the way it is now I'd still have four or five years before I got any serious problems.”

Pepper breathed out shakily. Tony winced, his voice taking on a slightly desperate edge. “The surgery's been scheduled for weeks now and the chances are so good that I thought nobody would need to know. I was planning on disguising it as a vacation.”

Pepper closed her eyes and took a deep, calming breath. “Okay. I can't – look, Tony, I can't tell you what to do. I just –“ Her breathing hitched, but she powered through. “I hope you know what you're doing. I really do. And I trust you. Just – please don't die.”

“I can't promise that,” Tony said, wincing as the words came out. “Sorry, I didn't mean to say that.”

“I know,” Pepper sighed, leaning in to hug Tony. His arms immediately came up to grip her tightly and despite everything she felt a little better. “Try not to though, okay?”

“I will.”

They stood like that for a long time, just basking in the moment until Pepper managed to pull herself together enough to step away and give Tony a small smile.

“So.” His eyes immediately narrowed at her saccharine tone. Pepper's smile widened. “Wanna tell me why you haven't done the paperwork I sent you last week? And please, spare me no details.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M NOT DEAD!! Hey there, so, uh. Sorry for being gone for so long, I know it's taking me forever to finish this story. I've been in a bit of a slump recently and didn't really have the motivation to write but now I feel like I can pull through. So thanks to all of you who stuck with this story even though it's taking me for fucking ever to update. I love you guys so much!
> 
> There's only one more chapter after this so here's to hoping that it won't take me another month to get it out there. Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoy this one!

True to his word Tony really seemed to avoid all of them. Steve hadn't seen hide nor hair of their resident genius in well over a week and it was really grinding on his nerves. So far he hadn't mustered up the courage to ask the other Avengers if they'd seen him, afraid that Tony really was avoiding him specifically, but thankfully he didn't have to in the end.

“Hey, do you know where Tony is?” Clint asked, his cheeks stuffed with toast and eggs. “I went down to the shop but JARVIS said he was out.”

“Out?” Steve asked, looking up from his pancakes with a frown. “Out where?” 

Clint shrugged. “I don't know. He wouldn't tell me.”

“JARVIS?” Steve asked suspiciously, turning to one of the room's cameras. “Where's Tony?”

“I'm sorry, Captain Rogers,” the AI answered. He actually did sound apologetic. “But Sir has not allowed me to disclose that information.”

Never a good sign.

“How long has he been out of the tower?” Steve asked with mounting worry. “Did he tell anyone where he was going?”

“Sir left the tower approximately 75 hours ago,” JARVIS said. “To my knowledge he only informed one person of his whereabouts. I'm afraid I cannot tell you who.”

“Thanks, JARVIS,” Steve said, phone already at his ear. It only rang once before the call went through.

“Stark Industries?”

“Ms Potts,” Steve said as Clint gestured for him to put the call on speaker. He ignored it. “Do you know where Tony is? None of the team have seen him in the last three days.”

She sighed heavily. “He didn't tell you?”

“Tell us what?”

She hesitated for a moment before she answered carefully. “He's in the hospital. Dr Cho performed extensive heart surgery on him two days ago.”

Steve's blood ran cold. “What? Why? Where is he?”

“I can't tell you that,” she said, sounding sincerely apologetic. “He only told me because I happened to ask the right question.”

“Where is he?” Steve repeated with gritted teeth and Pepper sighed, taking a moment before she apparently gave in.

“In Seoul. He'll be back in two days.”

“Thank you, Ms Potts,” Steve said curtly before he hung up, already walking to the elevator. Clint jumped up from his seat, hot on his heels.

“What's going on?” Clint asked as Steve pushed the button to the roof.

“We're going to Seoul. Tony had heart surgery.”

“What? Why?”

“I don't know,” Steve gritted out. “But we'll find out.”

Clint's eyes hardened and he nodded once, hurrying into the elevator and impatiently pressing the door closed. They rode up in tense silence before all but sprinting over to the quinjet which Clint fired up with mechanical focus.

“Nat's in Taipei,” Clint said tersely as he went through pre-flight checks. “Undercover op. She could meet us there if we need her.”

Steve shook his head. “No. I don't think he's injured. From what Ms Potts said it sounded like a scheduled surgery.”

Clint's brow furrowed in confusion. “What the hell for?”

Steve shrugged and Clint sighed, mumbling insults about Tony's intelligence under his breath as he started the engine, tearing out of the hangar. Even if he sped all the way it'd still take them a few hours to get there.

“You think it's about the reactor?” Clint asked and Steve stared at him. Clint shrugged. “It's possible, right? Did he say anything?”

Steve took a deep breath as he thought about it. “He said it hurt. At the gala.”

“Damn,” Clint sighed and Steve could only agree. Something about this felt very, very wrong.

Steve tried hard to concentrate on the mission instead of the reasons but it wasn't easy, especially with the memory of their talk on the roof fresh in his mind. If he started thinking too closely about it he would probably have a fit.

Tony had needed heart surgery. A complicated one if he flew all the way out to South Korea to be operated on by an expert. And Steve would bet a kidney and a half that Tony had planned this for a long period of time without any of them noticing.

It hurt somewhere deep down to know that Tony didn't trust them enough to even let them know where he was. Especially when his health or potentially his life was on the line. Steve could have sworn they were past that stage, but apparently not.

“You think he'll be alright?” It slipped out before Steve realized how obvious the concern in his voice was. Dammit. Natasha was right, he wasn't hiding it at all.

Clint glanced at him from the corner of the eye but thankfully didn't comment. “Of course, Cap. Bad weeds grow tall.”

Steve nodded, trying to look more reassured than he felt as he turned his gaze out the window. This was going to be a long flight.

 

“Steve's coming.”

Tony looked up from his tablet, eyebrows furrowing. “What do you mean Steve's coming?”

“I'm saying he knows where you are and I don't think he's just gonna wait patiently for you to come home,” Pepper said, giving Tony a disapproving look. “Why didn't you tell him you were coming here?”

Tony averted his eyes, chewing on the inside of his cheek. “He would've asked what for. I didn't want them to know.”

Pepper sighed exasperatedly. “Tony, they're your team. They have a right to know.”

“I wouldn't have even told _you_ if I could've helped it,” Tony said, wincing when he heard himself speak and she gave him a disappointed look.

“You think that makes it better?”

“Equal opportunity, right?” Tony joked weakly, deflating under her withering glare. “Sorry. I know I worried you. But it went fine! The doctor cleared me an hour ago.”

“Yes,” she said frostily. “And yesterday they had to give you a tracheal tube because your heart stopped beating two times in under an hour.”

Tony shrugged half-heartedly. “Would be boring if everything went off without a hitch.”

“ _Boring?_ I can't believe –“ Pepper cut herself off before she lost her cool and started shouting in a hospital ward, instead pinching the bridge of her nose. “Don't make jokes right now, Tony, just – Don't. Ever.”

“I thought they said laughter is the best medicine.” He shrunk under her glare. “Alright, fine. No jokes about dying.”

“And tell Steve what happened. He deserves to know,” Pepper said sternly and Tony rolled his eyes.

“Not like I have a choice. And I don't think I'm contractually obligated to tell Steve anything, especially now that I can't lie.”

Pepper looked at him like she was seriously questioning his intelligence. Which, ow, hurtful. “First of all, you're on a team now. Telling them what you're up to is just common decency. And secondly, you're being an asshole. Steve sounded really worried.”

“Worried?” Tony asked doubtfully. “Why?”

“Maybe because you've been gone for days and no one could get a hold of you?”

Well. “Okay, fine, but why are they coming here?” Tony asked. “Did you tell them to?”

Pepper huffed. “Why would I do that?”

“I don't know,” Tony said, brow creasing with a frown. “To force me to talk to them while I'm still stationary? Not that it's gonna work.”

Pepper gave him a hurt look. “You think I would manipulate you like that?”

“You've done it before,” Tony said and immediately bit his tongue. The words still came through though. “You told me to pick you up for a date and when I showed up it turned out to be a business meeting. Pretty nifty.”

Pepper blushed furiously, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear as she cleared her throat. “I said I was sorry.”

“And I'm still bothered by it.” Tony wrinkled his nose. “Crap. I am. Shit. Can we please pretend that I said I'm –”

“Not bothered, I get it,” Pepper sighed. “Look, even if you don't trust me with this you need to –“

“I _do_ trust you!” Tony interjected quickly. “I just think you will use all means necessary to get me to do what you want.” Pepper just looked at him silently and Tony sighed in defeat. “That wasn't better at all, was it?”

“I wouldn't have to employ these tactics if you weren't so – no. We're not doing this.” Pepper stood, brushing her hair behind her ears with brisk fingers. “I have a video conference in ten minutes. If I find out that you've left this hospital before Steve got here I am going to shove my heel so far up your ass that it'll poke your eye out. Do you understand?”

Tony grimaced. “That's anatomically impossible.”

“I know,” Pepper said flippantly as she left the room. “Won't stop me from trying.”

Tony sighed, watching her go. He was just glad she hadn't asked him if he planned on running away, Tony was pretty sure that he wouldn't have been able to divert his answer. Like hell was he going to wait for Steve to show up.

He was just about to get up when Pepper poked her head back in. “By the way, don't bother getting out of bed. Steve called me about three hours ago, he should be here in a few minutes.”

Tony's eyes widened. “You –“

“I never said you were wrong,” Pepper said with a deceptively pleasant smile. “Sometimes a bit of manipulation is in your best interests.”

He could only gape at her as she gave him a cheeky finger wave and left. What a little – no. He still had time.

Tony managed to slip off the bed with only minor pain in his chest area, disposing of the IV and monitors with practiced ease. He'd have about forty seconds before a nurse showed up so Tony waddled over to the window, pushing it open and painfully dragging his leg up –

“Oh no you don't.”

Tony yelped when strong hands pulled him back, somehow still gentle as they picked him up and deposited him back on the bed without any visible effort. Meanwhile Clint trotted into his field of vision to casually close the window. Shit. So much for that escape plan.

“Okay, before you say anything, I can explain –“

The door banged open and a harried nurse burst into the room, frantically scanning for his flatlining patient. The poor guy froze when he saw half of the Avengers gathered in the tiny room. “Uh...”

“We have everything under control,” Steve said from behind him and Tony closed his eyes. This was going to be a disaster. “Please let us talk to him in private. We'll put the IV back on him, don't worry.”

“Neither of you have actual medical training,” Tony said and Steve's grip on his arm tightened almost painfully. He grimaced. “What? It's true.”

“Luckily I know for a fact that you can do it yourself,” Clint said a little too sweetly and Tony glared at him.

“I prefer not to. Sometimes I need three or four tries and that shit fucking hurts.”

The nurse seemed to snap out of his stupor, hurrying over with a no nonsense expression as he reattached all of the machinery to Tony's body before forcing him back into a horizontal position. Tony would've resisted the push but Steve was still holding him down too firmly to escape. Bastard.

“Please refrain from any more escape attempts, Mr Stark,” the nurse said with a strong Korean accent before he nodded at Steve and left the room.

The tension that had already fallen over the room went up about five notches. Tony had to clench his hands into fists to keep from squirming in discomfort, eyes firmly trained on the white ceiling.

“Why didn't you tell us?”

“Because I didn't want you to know,” Tony answered promptly, pulling a face right after. Oh this was going to go great, he could just feel it.

“Heart surgery, Tony,” Steve pressed, his voice tight with anger. At least he was still mindful enough not to yell. Tony wondered how long that would last. “Did you really not think that that was important enough to relay to the team? What if something had gone wrong?”

“Then you would've dealt with it,” Tony gritted out, still pointedly staring at the ceiling. “And as you can see everything went according to plan so what does it matter?”

“It matters to me!” Steve said, finally raising his voice. Thirty-two seconds, that was probably a new record. “We thought you were in trouble, Tony, _serious_ trouble, and all of it could've been avoided if you'd just told us where you were going in the first place –“

“You would've asked _why_ ,” Tony shouted, finally looking at Steve defiantly. Steve's face was already flushed with anger. “And I didn't want you to know about that but I wouldn't have had a choice. So sue me for having secrets. It's not like you tell me everything either!”

Steve huffed a breath and opened his mouth to say something before he suddenly deflated, running a hand through his hair. He looked almost a little defeated.

“Fine, I won't ask you that now. But you owe us an explanation once the serum wears off, Tony. You can't just disappear like that.”

Tony was pretty sure he was gaping like an idiot at Steve, honestly stumped by that concession. Captain America, backing down from an argument for Tony's sake? It was a strangely touching moment and before he'd really thought about it Tony opened his mouth –

“I still have no earthly idea how you put up with me, but I'm really glad you're my friend.”

Steve froze, face going blank, and Tony barely had a second to panic before the soldier suddenly turned bright red, awkwardly rubbing his neck and steadfastly avoiding Tony's gaze.

“Thanks, uh. Me too.”

“You don't believe me,” Tony realized with something like horror. “Wait, are we not friends? I thought we were.”

“We are!” Steve blurted out but he still looked so fucking uncomfortable that Tony could practically feel it in the air. “But – you never said –“

“That I like you?” Oh no, don't, please just shut up – “I do like you, Steve.” Fuck. Fuck it all to hell. Tony was going to sew his fucking mouth shut.

Steve was nodding like he was trying to make it an olympic sport, slowly backing away. “Okay, thanks, I – I'm gonna –“ Steve didn't even finish his sentence before he was out the door and audibly speed-walking down the corridor. Tony sighed, internally cursing himself six ways to Sunday before he turned to Clint who was looking strangely constipated.

“Relax, I'm not gonna say it to you.”

Clint made a choking sound that Tony immediately recognized as a valiant effort not to burst out laughing before Clint's features smoothed back out into a slightly amused grin.

“Sure, I can read between the lines,” he said cheerfully, grabbing his bow from where he'd propped it up against the wall. “Glad to see you're alright, tinman. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a dinosaur to catch.”

Clint left with a cheeky salute before taking off after Steve. It barely took a minute for JARVIS to report that the quinjet was leaving again. What a pointless fucking visit.

“Sir, Captain Rogers has left a message for you, saying that he wants to apologize for his abrupt departure and that he wishes you a swift recovery.”

“Thanks, J,” Tony mumbled, absently tracing the arc reactor through his shirt. That's what he got for not keeping his stupid mouth shut. Still, it was a little disconcerting that Steve would have such a strong reaction to being told Tony saw him as a friend. He wasn't so sure he wanted to know the reason for that.

Knowing his luck he'd still find out sooner or later.

 

It took two days before the hospital released him and Tony was ready to crawl up the walls a few hours into the first one. Thankfully Pepper had left him a tablet so he didn't feel completely useless, but sitting around had never suited him. It made his skin all itchy.

Now Tony was finally sitting at his workbench again, hammering away at a piece of scrap metal to keep his hands busy. He wiped his sweaty forehead with his slightly less dirty wrist, grimacing at how sticky he felt. JARVIS must've adjusted the AC wrong.

“Sir? Agent Romanoff is at the door.”

Tony sighed. Of fucking course.

“Let her in, J.”

He didn't hear her come in but when she did her presence was unmistakable. Tony barely even looked up to acknowledge her. “Back from your secret spy mission, Ms Rushman?”

“Back to the jokes, Mr Stark?”

“I've found ways to get away with it,” Tony said, proud that he could control his words much better now. He was still a far cry from normal but at least the days of blurting out his darkest secrets just because they popped into his head were over. Hopefully. “What can I do for you?”

“To be honest I was thinking more along the lines of what I can do for you.”

Well that was surprising. Tony finally turned to meet her head on, eyes narrowed suspiciously. “What are you planning?”

“To get some answers,” she said levelly and Tony felt panic rise in him, instinctively shifting away from her. But no, he and Nat were cool now, she wouldn't – “Tell me something. Are you an Avenger?”

Tony blinked. “Well, by definition I guess I am, being on the team and all –“

“Do you _feel_ like an Avenger?” she asked, eyes boring into his, and he swallowed uneasily.

“I'm not really sure what you mean,” he said evasively, sweat forming on his brow as she just kept looking at him steadily.

“Do you trust me?”

“Yes,” he said without hesitation and it surprised him almost as much as it did her. Not that she looked very surprised but Tony could tell from the way her eyes ever so subtly softened. Wow, when had he become so close with the Black Widow?

“Then you'll trust me to tell you the truth,” she said and stepped closer until Tony had to tip his head back to keep looking at her. It made him a little uneasy and she seemed to notice, sitting down next to him to put them at eye level. Her gaze was still unnervingly intense and Tony startled when she finally spoke.

“I'm sorry.”

“Huh?” was all Tony could think of to say and Natasha's lips twitched up in a smile.

“I don't think I've said it yet. I'm sorry for telling Fury that you couldn't be trusted. Tony Stark is just as worthy of being an Avenger as Iron Man is. And I'm glad you're on the team.”

Tony was sure his eyes were bugging out of his head but Natasha didn't seem deterred.

“It's a shame that we started off the way we did but I still think that we can salvage this. Now.” She fixed him with a serious look. “I want you to tell me the truth. Do you feel like you deserve to be an Avenger? Do you feel like you're part of the team?”

And Tony really wanted to divert the question but somehow the truth still spilled forth. “Not really. But that's nobody's fault. You guys are good at this whole teammate thing and I've never really been easy to get along with. I get it.”

Natasha looked at him with something that looked enough like pity to instinctively raise his hackles. “You know, Tony, I think the problem is that you actually don't get it at all.”

Tony sniffed, insulted. “I'm a certified genius, I think I understand well enough,” he snapped, crossing his arms. “Did Rhodey put you up to this?”

“No. I just figured this was long overdue,” she said. “I should've done this sooner.”

“I wouldn't have listened back then,” Tony said and wow, that was a bit of honesty he didn't really want to dig into. He thought he'd gotten better at controlling this. “Why is it so important anyway? We work well together.”

“In the field, yes,” Natasha conceded. “But I'd like to think that we could be closer outside of work. Why is it that you're never there for movie night?”

Well that was weirdly specific. “I mostly forget that it's Thursday,” Tony admitted, trying to hide his wince at what that revealed about him. “I'm not really big on remembering dates.”

Natasha nodded. “Okay. So we'll just arrange for someone to drag you upstairs. Or, actually, JARVIS, could you set up an alarm to alert Tony when it's movie night?”

“Certainly, miss,” JARVIS said and he sounded almost smug.

“Whoa, hold on, no,” Tony protested, giving one of the cameras a fierce glare. “Goddammit, J, are you turning against me now? In my own, non-sacred space?”

“So you don't _want_ to come to movie night?” Natasha asked and Tony was still indignant enough over JARVIS' betrayal that he didn't even think about his answer.

“I didn't go the first few times because I thought it would be awkward and after that it felt wrong to barge in on you guys.” He glared at her. “Dammit, why are you asking me –“

“So would you say you feel like a member of this team?”

“No.” It slipped out before he could bite it back and while it was horrifying a part of him was almost glad to hear it said. “I don't. I'm still a consultant only and if I was gone you guys would have no problem replacing me. Rhodey would come around.”

Natasha mustered him with that same neutral gaze. Then she blinked and suddenly there was emotion there, a sense of regret in her eyes and an apologetic smile on her lips. Tony almost rubbed his eyes to make sure he wasn't seeing things.

“It's because of the report, isn't it? The one I wrote?”

“No,” Tony admitted, feeling way out of his depth with the way she was looking at him now. “Just – I'm not like you guys. Most of you are irreplaceable. Anyone could wear the suit though, you'd just need to find another sponsor.” Tony gave her a wry smile. “Don't worry about that though, I've taken care of everything. You wouldn't have to look for funding for at least six months after I'm gone. I guarantee it.”

He had to actively keep himself from squirming when she just kept looking at him with those same piercing eyes. “What?” he asked defensively.

“I can't believe I let this happen.”

He blinked. “What?”

“Tony,” she said and Tony's eyes widened when she suddenly grabbed one of his hands in both of hers. “You are invaluable to the team. Without you there would be no Avengers.”

Tony swallowed heavily. “Fury would –“

“Fury would find a replacement, yes,” she said. “But nobody can do what you can, Tony. And more than that you're important to us. You might not see it but we haven't been just teammates for a while now. I consider myself your friend.”

“Friend?” Tony asked incredulously and her gaze wavered for a second.

“Yes,” she said and Tony could've sworn there was a note of sadness in her voice. “I hope you'll give us the chance to get to know you in the future. This team wouldn't be the same without you. And I'm sure I'm speaking for all of us.”

Tony clamped his mouth shut, averting his eyes. She raised an eyebrow. “What?”

“What about Steve?” he asked haltingly, fighting the words every step of the way to no avail. “Are you speaking for him, too?”

Tony didn't even know why it was so important to him to know Steve's opinion specifically but Natasha's eyes turned from speculative to knowing so fast that it made Tony's skin itch uncomfortably. The small smile on her lips filled him with something like dread.

“Well, you could always just ask him yourself.”

Tony snorted. “Steve and I have never had a conversation that didn't turn into a fight or get weird at some point.”

She tilted her head. “Weird?”

“You know what I mean,” Tony said, waving a hand at her. “Tense. Uncomfortable. I don't know.”

Natasha raised an eyebrow. “Why do you think that is?”

“Because I can't deal with him,” Tony said, a bit annoyed. Why was she still grilling him? “I feel like we're never on the same page when we talk to each other and it sucks because he's so intriguing and I –“ He choked, eyes widening as he looked at Natasha. “I want to know him better.” What the hell? Where did that come from?

Natasha narrowed her eyes at him. “Why do you want to know him better?”

“He's interesting.” Tony snapped, trying desperately to bite his tongue because this wasn't – “I want him to like me.”

Okay, now hold on a minute –

“And why is that?” Natasha asked.

“Because I l-mpfgh hmpf.” Tony stared at her with wide eyes, one hand clapped over his mouth. Oh fuck. Oh fuck fuck fuckfuckfuck.

She was smiling now, way too knowingly for Tony's comfort, and stood gracefully from the workbench. “Well, maybe you should think about that some more. I get the feeling you and Steve are on the way to becoming best pals.”

He glared at her, still holding his mouth shut, but she only gave him a cheeky wave before she left him to stew in his own thoughts.

Tony could feel nervous sweat trickling down the back of his neck. Since when did he – but it felt true, now that he'd said it. Tony did think about Steve a lot. But he'd never thought about him like _that_ , had he? That was just ridiculous!

...Well, okay, maybe he'd had a bit of a crush on Steve in his teenage years and maybe he'd gotten distracted by Steve's ridiculous shoulders one or two times during their training exercises and maybe he sometimes caught himself smiling like a moron at the sight of Steve drawing on the common room couch and –

Fucking hell. Tony was an _idiot_.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're finally here. Thank you so much to everyone who stuck with this story until the end, it really means a lot to me. I kind of feel like I lost the motivation for it somewhere in the middle but I'm still glad I saw it through anyway. I hope you enjoy the ending of this and maybe I'll see some of you in the next one :) Have a great day!

Tony woke to the sound of the Avengers alarm blaring in his ears, startling him so badly that he actually fell off his workbench, landing hard on his back.

“Mother _fuck–_ JARVIS, suit!” he wheezed as he struggled back to his feet, running over to the chamber that held the Mark forty-three and frowning when it stayed closed. “J, open up!”

“I'm sorry, Sir, but it was agreed that for the duration of your recovery from the veritas curse you would be taken off the active roster.”

Fuck. Tony ran a hand through his hair, pacing in front of the locked vault.

“Alright. JARVIS?”

“Yes, Sir?”

“Log me into the comms. I want to know what's going on.”

“Certainly.”

Tony chewed on his knuckles as he waited for a signal, scanning the mission files he'd ripped from SHIELD's servers when a crackle went through the workshop. “This is Hawkeye checking in, anyone there yet?”

“This is Iron Man,” Tony said, all but bouncing on his toes with nervous energy. “We got a situation in downtown Manhattan, looks like a robbery of some kind. SHIELD's apparently got some secrets there that they don't want them to dig up.”

“Iron Man?” Wow, Steve didn't sound happy at all. “You're still benched! What are you doing on comms?”

“Just passing the time,” Tony said, ripping copies of the SHIELD intel as it got sent out. He clucked his tongue. “Wow, those reports have more holes than a Swiss cheese. They have practically nothing.“

“Where the hell are you?”

“At home, looking through files,” Tony said flatly, not appreciating the hostile tone. “Not that I wouldn't have loved to join you but JARVIS locked up my suits.”

“Oh. Thank you, JARVIS.”

“I do my best, Captain.”

Tony gritted his teeth to refrain from commenting. “Anyway, I'll just listen in from here while you guys do your thing. Don't mind me.”

“That's fine,” Steve said and Tony could hear a note of relief in his voice. Well that was insulting.

“Thanks for the permission, Cap,” Tony said bitterly. “I'm kind of offended that you feel like you have to comment on my life choices.”

Clint sighed. “Just once in my life I want to wake up in a world where I don't have to listen to this shit.”

“You and me both.”

“Bruce!” Tony called out happily, mood instantly lifted. “When did you get back?”

He could practically hear Bruce's reluctant smile over the line. “Yesterday.”

“And you didn't call me?” Tony asked. “I'm hurt, Bruce.”

“Sorry,” Bruce chuckled. “I take it you're off the serum?”

“Not yet, no.”

“Oh.”

There was silence for a long moment in which Tony wondered what exactly the problem was before Bruce spoke.

“I'm sorry for not calling you.”

Ah, shit. “No, that's fine, I'm not really that hurt, I just expected you to let me know, that's all.” Shit, that didn't sound any better. “Not that I blame you, I mean you were busy and –“

“I'm still sorry, Tony. I'll call next time.”

Great, now Tony just sounded like an attention-hungry teenager. “It's really fine, Bruce. I'm not mad.”

“Sorry to break up the reunion but the jet is ready for take off,” Clint chimed in. “You gonna be joining us, Nat?”

“I'm just leaving SHIELD,” she said. Tony hadn't even noticed her checking in. “I've got my own ride.”

“If I had access to the armor I could've been there already,” Tony said grumpily. “Done some recon. Saved kitties from trees.”

He could hear Steve sigh quietly. “If you're just going to complain please get off the comms, Tony.”

“I'm not here to complain,” Tony snapped. “Just because I'm benched doesn't mean I can't help.”

“I got eyes on the building,” Natasha said, her voice suddenly tense. “You guys may want to hurry up.”

Tony waved a hand but JARVIS was way ahead of him, pulling up the feed of the security cameras on site without prompting. Sometimes Tony wished his AI had a body so he could kiss him.

“Zoom in on the front – wait.” Tony squinted at the shaky footage of someone live tweeting on the scene. “Hold on, replay those last few seconds on the hand cam.”

JARVIS enlarged it to fullscreen and looped the sequence and – yeah, shit, that was –

“I see hydra agents on the first two floors, Cap. This ain't no robbery.”

Clint cursed but Steve kept his cool. “Thanks, Iron Man. We'll take it from here.”

Tony could see the quinjet land just as the special forces arrived. That should be fun. The feds never did take it well when they were told to stand down.

“Avengers aircraft, please come in, over,” one of them droned over the transmitter and Tony tuned out the resulting pissing contest that Steve obviously won because hello, who argues with Captain America trying to do his job? By the time the special forces grumpily agreed to let the Avengers take charge Tony had disabled all of the building's internal surveillance systems.

“Alright, they're flying blind now. You guys go ahead.” He looked at the blueprint that JARVIS had thrown up on one of the screens. “That thing SHIELD wants to protect is on the second floor. Take the left staircase.”

“Thanks,” Steve said curtly. Tony hummed, pulling up the feed from Clint's body cam. Thank god SHIELD were a bunch of paranoid bastards, those cams would really come in handy right now.

“No sign of Hydra on ground floor. I'll take the long way round.” Natasha's cam showed her breaking away from the group to go around the back. Tony hummed.

“There's a party two floors above you, Romanoff, and I'd like to send a formal invitation on behalf of our generous hosts,” Tony said, watching avidly as Natasha climbed up the fire escape. He kind of wished he'd installed one of those cameras in Steve's suit or maybe Bruce's pants now. Then again, he'd rather not know what the world looked like from the perspective of the Hulk's crotch. “Looks like they're waiting for you.”

“How considerate,” Natasha drawled, noiselessly breaking the lock on a window to climb inside. “I'm in. Where are you, Cap?”

“On our way up,” Steve said. Tony could see him silently jogging up the stairs in front of Clint. How on earth he managed to be stealthy with the way he was built was still a mystery to Tony. “Get ready to –“

“Nice ass,” Tony said and – shit, that wasn't supposed to come out. “I do love watching you walk away.” Fantastic. Shutting up would be great now, thanks a lot, brain.

“–ing on third. Iron Man, chatter.” Tony had to give Steve props for powering through. He did sound a bit strained though. Awkward.

“Can't blame the man,” Clint chimed in. “Though it's funny, usually you're going on and on about your own ass.”

“I do have a great ass. Hey! Look at that, certified truth, Tony Stark has a great ass!”

“The truth that you believe, you mean,” Clint said and Tony could just hear the smirk in his voice, the bastard. “At least we know your self-confidence is still going strong.”

“That hasn't been going strong in years.” Tony sighed heavily. “Ignore that.”

“Well, what is life without a healthy dose of self-doubt,” Clint said sagely.

“Chatter,” Steve cut in. “Now get up there.”

“Aye aye, Cap.”

Tony quickly lost sight of Steve as Clint swerved right, crouching behind a wall to presumably draw an arrow. It was only when he let it go that Tony noticed the Hydra agent standing guard around the corner.

“Huh. Guess you do earn your keep, Barton.”

“Fuck off, Stark.”

A scuffle drew Tony's eye to Natasha's cam where he got a nice view of the top of some man's head right before Natasha dropped her elbow on him. “Yikes. That must've hurt.”

She didn't respond and Tony soon noticed why, three more goons were thundering around the corner – seriously, could they walk any louder? – and straight into Natasha's widow bites. The men went down like flies.

“Sometimes I forget how terrifying you are.”

Natasha hummed. “Sloppy.”

“First two floors secured,” Steve suddenly said. Well that was fast. “Nobody's here.”

Tony looked at the map JARVIS was still displaying, frowning at the lack of heat signatures. “Looks like they're –“

“Shit!”

Tony looked up in alarm, watching in horror as red suddenly obstructed the view of Clint's body cam, bullets whizzing past him. “Clint!”

“Shit, fucking –“ Clint seemed to be running down a corridor but it was hard to see. Tony heard metal clang as he jumped into a vent. “I'm hit. Hydra coming up on the fourth floor, Cap.”

Steve cursed and Tony could hear Natasha start to run. She wouldn't be fast enough.

“That vent leads back to ground floor,” Tony said curtly, fear making his voice tight. “Drop coming up in twenty feet.”

“Roger that.”

Tony could hear Clint's wheezing breaths get louder in his ear as he crawled through the vent. Then something clanged behind him and Clint turned –

“No!” Tony shouted when shots rang out, slicing through the darkness of the vent in bursts of light. Clint dropped heavily, camera first onto the floor. The screen went dark. “Clint!”

“Where is he?” Natasha snapped. “Damn it, Stark, tell me –“

“Up the stairs, two lefts then a right,” Tony said numbly, leaning heavily onto his desk as he changed his frequency to SHIELD comms. “Iron Man to dispatch, we need med evac for Hawkeye on the fourth floor, I repeat, we need –“

Gunshots rang out on Steve's end. Tony could see on the sensors that he was closing in on Clint's location, dropping Hydra goons left and right. “Iron Man, get us –“

There was a loud crash as the Hulk burst right through the ceiling into Steve's hallway, crushing two of the Hydra soldiers under him. He roared, sweeping one giant arm in a circle and smashed five more into the walls. Between the two of them the path was cleared in seconds.

“Widow, any sign of him?”

Tony watched as Natasha reached Clint's vent. He could just make out Clint's immobile form inside the metal tube as she climbed in after him.

“I got him,” Natasha said curtly. “He's unconscious. There's blood. I'm going to have to move him.”

“Be careful,” Steve said and she didn't even grace that with a response as she slowly moved Clint's body back out of the vent, careful not to jostle him too much. Tony held his breath in anticipation as she touched her fingers to Clint's throat.

“He's alive,” she said and Tony sagged with relief. “Shots went right through. Two in his leg and one in the shoulder.”

“ETA on that evac?” Tony asked curtly.

His comm link crackled. “We're coming up, over.”

Tony went back into the building's mainframe, reinstating security measures. The camera feeds flickered back to life one by one and he breathed a sigh of relief when he saw five shield medics pushing a gurney into the elevator.

“Evac's coming, hang tight, Nat,” Tony said and she looked right at the security camera to nod briskly. She had tied Clint's belt around his leg and was pushing down hard on his shoulder but even through the grainy footage Tony could see the blood oozing onto the floor.

He distantly noticed that Steve and the Hulk had already made it back outside, rounding up the last of Hydra stragglers, but his eyes were glued to the screen where medics were now loading Clint's motionless body onto a stretcher, putting a breathing mask over his face.

“It was a trap,” some SHIELD agent was saying to Steve downstairs. “We don't know if they actually were after the vault but they were definitely betting on you guys to show up.”

“Thank you. Tell us if you find anything else,” Steve said curtly and the agent saluted before walking back to the building. The SHIELD doctors carried Clint out the door and into the nearest ambulance, Natasha hot on their heels. Bruce was there too, pulling a blanket around his shoulders as he hurried after them and climbed into the car with a grim look on his face.

“Iron Man?”

“Hm?” Tony asked absently.

Steve sighed. “Thanks for your help today. I'm sorry for doubting your intentions.”

Tony frowned. “Thanks.”

The ambulance drove away. On the security cameras Tony could see an agent start to mop up Clint's blood, red stains smudging on the beige tiles.

It didn't feel like he had helped at all.

 

Steve couldn't seem to stop bouncing his leg as he stared at the ugly white tiles that decorated the wall opposite of him. The pattern was uneven and after looking at it for over an hour it seemed more and more like an intentional insult than a poor design choice. The blur of expensive slacks passing through his field of vision every few seconds wasn't really making it better.

Thank god Natasha was there as a calming presence or Steve's worry would have turned straight into anger hours ago and he knew exactly who he'd have taken it out on. Even so Tony's restlessness was really getting under his skin.

Asking him to sit down hadn't gone over so well and Steve knew better than to make him. Unless it was Rhodey or Pepper Tony was prone to reacting to concern like a hissing cat and Steve wasn't going to risk agitating him further. Especially since he knew exactly what had Tony so –

“Alright, stop it, Stark. I can feel your misplaced guilt from here.”

Tony whipped around to glare at Natasha and even Steve glanced at her in reprimand. This wasn't the time –

“Well of course I feel guilty!” Tony snapped and Steve blinked in surprise for a moment before he remembered the curse. He'd almost forgotten about it. “Clint might be fucking dying and I was sitting at home watching it on a _fucking screen!”_

“There's nothing you could've done,” Bruce said and Steve winced because that was exactly the wrong thing to say when –

“I should've been there!” Tony spat. “What the fuck was the point in keeping me out of this when I'm almost over the curse and you guys needed me? You should've let me be there!”

The last was said to Steve and the accusation in Tony's eyes made Steve's shoulders straighten.

“That wasn't an option,” he said curtly. “You're still compromised.”

“Oh, fuck compromised,” Tony snapped. “Clint got hurt because you guys were understaffed and you know it. This could've been avoided if –“

“You don't know that,” Steve said, still trying hard not to raise his voice. “Maybe he would've gotten hurt, maybe he wouldn't. Either way we'll never know. It is what it is.”

“Oh that it such a you thing to say,” Tony said and all of a sudden Steve could hear the thinly disguised panic underneath that anger. “We'll never know? Well no _shit_ we'll never know. Doesn't mean not letting me go out there wasn't a huge mistake!”

Steve was just about to snap back when the door suddenly opened and the doctor stepped in, looking grim. They all immediately stood.

“What's the news, doc?” Natasha asked quietly and the doctor cleared his throat.

“Agent Barton is in stable condition.” They all breathed a sigh of relief. “Stable and conscious. He asked to see you.”

He'd barely even finished before Natasha pushed past him into the room. Bruce followed at a more sedate pace and Steve took the time to thank the doctor before joining them. He could feel some of the tension in his shoulders loosen when he laid eyes on Clint who was making a downright pitiful face at Natasha who was already glaring daggers at him.

“– of all the stupid things! I thought you'd learned your lesson after that stunt with the clown fish smuggle but no, you're still the same reckless idiot!”

“In my defense –“ Clint started and was cut off by a slap on the back of his head. “Ow.”

“Why is it that I always have to see you like this?” Natasha asked and while her voice was harsh her eyes were soft with relief as she stroked a hand through Clint's hair. “Would it kill you to not end up in medical for once?”

“Well, I would've died if not for medical, so technically –“ Clint cowered under her glare. “Uh, I mean. I'll try my best?”

“Good,” Natasha said and Steve stepped closer to put a hand on Clint's shoulder.

“How are you feeling?”

Clint shrugged, then grimaced. “Yeah, not so hot right now. I'll be fine though.”

“Oh yeah, you will be,” Bruce said, adjusting his glasses to give Clint a stern look. “Because you'll be taking it easy. Right?”

Clint snorted but when Bruce's eyes flashed green he quickly raised his hands. “ _Yes!_ Taking it easy, good plan, all the way, no problem.”

“Good,” Bruce said calmly and Clint visibly breathed out.

“You look terrible.”

Steve turned around to see Tony in the doorway, looking at Clint with pained eyes.

“It looked even worse on the screen with the blood and all,” Tony continued tensely. “I thought you were dying.”

“Aww, don't tell me you were worried about lil old me,” Clint drawled with a smirk that just looked wrong on his pale face. “A couple hours of sleep and I'll be right as rain.”

Tony's chest puffed out almost comically with anger and his fists were clenched so hard they trembled slightly. “A couple hours?” Tony shouted. “ _Hours?_ You just got shot, you stupid asshole! You're not going anywhere!”

Clint rolled his eyes. “I've been through worse, Stark. No need to worry.”

“Of course I worry!” Tony shouted. “I always worry! About all of you! You're important to me and the thought of losing any of you fucking kills me inside!”

They all looked at Tony in silent shock at his outburst but Tony didn't seem to notice.

“You think it was easy to sit at home like an asshole and watch you damn near die? Goddammit, Clint, you're my friend, I hate seeing you hurt! Especially knowing that I could've been there to help cover your stupid ass. You think I upgrade your gear after every mission for shits and giggles?”

Clint actually looked chastised, giving Tony an apologetic look. “I know. I'm sorry, Tony.”

Tony blinked, startled out of his rant, and suddenly went beet red as he realized what he'd just inadvertently revealed. “Shit. I didn't –”

“No, you're right,” Natasha said, glaring at Clint. “This needs to stop.” She looked around their group, frowning at all of them. “This tough guy shit, hiding injuries, 'walking it off', all of that stops now. We're a team and if we can't be honest with each other this whole thing is going to fall apart.”

“I've been honest for weeks now,” Tony said bitterly. “And look where it got me.”

“Opening up?” Natasha asked waspishly. “Actually talking to us about your feelings? Yes, perish the thought.”

“I've told you things I never wanted you to know,” Tony said and Natasha glared at him as she crossed her arms.

“I pissed my pants the first time I killed someone.”

Silence. Steve actually felt his mouth drop open and Natasha rolled her eyes.

“What? I was scared as hell. Another time I got drunk for a mission and actually slept with the woman I was supposed to stab. She gave me her number. And then I killed her anyway.” She shrugged. “I still see her face in my dreams sometimes. It never got any easier, not really.”

They were all staring at her, completely speechless, but Natasha coolly turned to Clint and nodded at him. “Your turn.”

Clint cleared his throat, visibly struggling to reel in his shock. He didn't hesitate to speak though. “One time at the circus when I was practicing a new trick one of the clowns pushed me off the tightrope and I landed in a pile of elephant dung. Took weeks to get the smell out of my costume.”

Bruce snorted and Clint glared at him. “Like you've never stepped in shit.”

“I didn't even know you were in a circus,” Bruce said in amusement. “It suits you.”

“Why don't you go then, oh great doctor?”

Bruce took off his glasses to twirl them between his fingers as his eyes took on a wistful look. “I write letters to Betty. Never sent a single one but it keeps me calm, knowing that the words are out there somewhere. I still love her.”

Steve's throat felt tight at the sadness in Bruce's voice but before he could even try to come up with a response Bruce raised an eyebrow at him and Steve realized it was his turn. But what could he – Peggy? No, too personal, maybe something about Bucky – yeah, no. Steve really didn't want to talk about that.

But – Tony had been forced to reveal his darkest secrets for weeks now and he hadn't had a choice –

“The first time I slept with someone she got up right in the middle, threw my own underwear in my face and left,” Steve blurted out and immediately flushed with humiliation. Oh fuck, why had that come to mind, he hadn't thought about that in _years_ –

Clint snorted, starting to laugh before he choked on a pained groan. “Ow, fuck, ribs, too soon, ow ow ow –“

“That sucks, man,” Tony said empathetically. “My first actually slapped me in the face.”

“What did you do?” Natasha asked and Tony grimaced.

“Told her I wasn't actually eighteen?”

She whistled. “Damn. How old was she?”

“Nineteen.”

“And you?”

“Fourteen,” Tony sighed and Clint burst out laughing again, holding his side as he winced in pain.

“Ah, shit. Makes my first time look a lot better. I did break my arm though.”

“Broke your arm during sex?” Tony asked and he almost sounded impressed. “What did you do?”

“Handstands.”

Bruce gave them all a bewildered look. “What is wrong with you people? I just had sex like a normal person.”

“I slept with the father of a target to get his wallet. First time I ever had sex.” When they all stared speechlessly Natasha shrugged. “He wasn't that old.”

“Well aren't we a fucked up bunch,” Tony said but his smile softened the words. “This is actually kind of fun.”

“Honesty, life's very own comedy show,” Clint drawled, raising his hand in a pretend toast. “To truth, always stranger than fiction.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “Don't get melodramatic now, Clinton.”

“I'm on drugs,” Clint protested. “Also, call me that again and I'll stick an arrow up your ass.”

“But seriously, I'm actually not that mad you guys know some of my secrets,” Tony said, face scrunching up in distaste. He didn't try to stop himself from talking though. “Could've done without it but honestly, I trust you guys not to tell anyone so it's okay.” Steve could see a smile tugging at his lips. “I can't believe I'm actually saying this. Fuck, I mean look at me now, opening up and shit. This would've never happened without you guys, especially Steve.”

Steve froze, heart suddenly hammering in his throat. “Me?”

“Yes, you,” Tony said, eyes widening even before he kept talking. “You make me want to be a better person.”

Steve was sure he was gaping rather unattractively but Tony wasn't faring much better. “Uh...”

“Fuck, I didn't mean to say that,” Tony said a little breathlessly, eyes quickly darting away from Steve. “Sorry.”

“No, it's okay,” Steve said mechanically. “I mean, uh. Thank you.”

“Just the truth,” Tony mumbled and when their eyes met Steve found that he couldn't look away.

“God,” Natasha groaned, shaking them out of their little moment. “You guys are killing me! Stark, just spit it out already. What did you mean by that?”

Tony huffed in frustration, running a hand through his hair, messing it up completely. “I just meant that he's one of the best people I know and I wish I hadn't been such an asshole to him in the beginning because I really want to spend more time with him and get to know him and holy shit this is so embarrassing, please make me stop talking –”

“Tony,” Steve finally managed to say, still trying to digest this sudden shift in his world view. Tony actually wanted him around? “You never said – I mean... why?”

“Because you're...” Tony waved his hand at Steve in his entirety. “All that. My dad always talked about you and I thought he was bullshitting me, I mean, no way can anyone be that good but then you are? And you're kind and compassionate and stubborn as a mule and even though I want to strangle you sometimes you're everything I ever –” Tony bit his lip, cutting himself off abruptly with a panicked look on his face.

Steve felt like he just got socked right in the face but there was an incredible warmth swelling in his chest at the realization that Tony liked him, Tony actually – wow. That was unexpected. He couldn't have stopped the smile from spreading over his face if he tried. “Thanks, Tony. I think you're real swell, too.”

“Swell,” Tony repeated, laughing a little hysterically even as he returned Steve's smile with obvious relief. “God, you're such an old man. I love you.”

What.

“Fuck,” Tony squeaked, color draining from his face. “Shit. I mean –“ He bit his tongue, looking everywhere but at Steve. “I absolutely meant it. Fuck!“

“Wait, you –“ Steve choked out, mind reeling. Tony couldn't mean –

“I meant as a –“ Tony's face turned redder and redder the more he strained to avert his words. “As – I love you as – fuck!” He panted heavily, not able to finish the sentence. “I've been in love with you since I was a kid. Oh my god, someone break my jaw, please!” Tony cringed away from Steve with fear in his eyes, turning to probably run the hell out of the room. “I'll go, please forget what I –“

“I love you, too,” Steve blurted before the words had even fully formed in his brain, but it felt like the truth, felt like sunshine in his chest now that he'd said it, actually said it to Tony's face – “I love you,” he repeated more calmly and it felt just as good the second time, putting the smile back on his face.

Tony whipped around, eyes wide with disbelief. “You do?”

“I do,” Steve said confidently, encouraged by the wonder spreading over Tony's face. “I love you, Tony.”

“I love you, too,” Tony breathed again, his face splitting into a joyful grin and Steve couldn't help but return it, reveling in the knowledge that this was real, he could have this –

“Well, that's a twist.”

They both turned to see the rest of the team looking at them with varying expressions of amusement. Natasha actually raised her hands and clapped slowly.

“You finally did it, boys,” she said with a smirk. “I'm proud of you.”

Steve felt his cheeks heat up fiercely but Tony just chuckled.

“Wow, I totally forgot you were here. A second longer and you would've had to watch me jump Steve like a –“

“Okay!” Steve interrupted him loudly, face getting even hotter. “We're not doing this in the infirmary, Tony.”

“So we _are_ doing something?” Tony asked mischievously. “Because I have some suggestions and I'd love to start with the one where you pick me up, throw me down on the nearest flat surface and –“

Steve took a giant step towards Tony to hastily slap a hand over his mouth. “We're going,” he said tersely, dragging a cackling Tony out by the elbow. “Sorry about that.”

“I'm not!” Tony shouted just before Steve could close the door. Steve gave Tony a dirty look but Tony just grinned at him. “Now what, soldier? Are we gonna –”

Steve wordlessly grabbed Tony's face and pulled him into a fierce kiss, pushing until Tony's back hit the wall so he could encase him fully, until there was no space left between them that wasn't filled with Tony, Tony, _Tony_ –

Tony made a downright desperate noise, giving back as good as he got, hands fisted into Steve's hair so tightly that every clenching of his fingers made Steve grunt. Steve was shockingly, achingly hard in seconds and that flat surface idea was sounding better and better –

A sudden clatter to his left made Steve spin around, instinctively pulling Tony closer into his side, to see a startled SHIELD nurse, her hands still outstretched awkwardly even as her tray rolled across the floor. Steve blushed furiously, about to apologize when Tony dragged him off with a hurried “Sorry, private show” thrown at the poor woman. He didn't stop until they were in the elevator, closing the door and turning back to Steve with – Steve gulped – dark, twinkling eyes.

“So,” Tony purred and the sound went straight to Steve's cock. “My place or yours?”

“I live where you live,” Steve croaked, raking his eyes over Tony's rumpled form. God, he looked so good. It would've taken a stronger man than Steve Rogers to resist pulling Tony back in for another kiss, eagerly licking into his mouth. And Tony hummed, running his hands over Steve's shoulders as he just let him take control, the way he never did otherwise and god, that was so fucking hot –

Steve couldn't stop touching Tony on the car ride home, keeping a possessive hand on his back or his thigh or his elbow and to his surprise Tony allowed it, casting him amused looks from the corner of his eye. They stumbled their way up to the penthouse, trading kisses that got deeper and longer the further up they went until Steve lost his patience and just carried Tony the rest of the way.

“That's so fucking hot,” Tony panted, Steve's mouth sucking marks into his neck. “No one's picked me up like this since I was a teen.”

“Glad to be of service,” Steve rasped.

“Oooh, that gives me so many ideas, don't even start.”

Steve pulled back to smirk at him. “Don't hold back. I doubt you can dish out anything I can't handle.”

“Oh, I _like_ you,” Tony purred, pulling Steve's hair in the direction of the door. “Well, hop to it, soldier. We've got a long night ahead of us.”

 

Afterwards Tony flopped bonelessly onto the bed, gasping for air. He hadn't even known his body could still bend that way. Pepper was right, that stupid yoga class _was_ paying off.

He grinned happily when he felt one of Steve's arms wrap around his shoulder and reached up to entangle their fingers.

“Well,” Steve panted. “That was –“

“Absolutely fucking phenomenal and I can't wait to do it again,” Tony finished. “I would love to go for round three if I wasn't so fucked out.”

He could hear a grin in Steve's voice. “I'm glad. I thought you'd criticize my technique or something.”

“What?” Tony asked, bewildered. “Why would I do that? You're fucking awesome in bed.”

Steve huffed a laugh. “Thanks.” He looked over at Tony with a fond smile that warmed Tony all the way down to his toes. “How are you feeling?”

“I'm sore in places I never thought I could be,” he said and rolled his eyes at Steve's alarmed look. “Relax. I meant my ankles. How the fuck did you even hold me up that long?”

“Serum,” Steve said simply, pulling Tony into his arms despite his grumbling at being forced to move. “I could've held you up a lot longer.”

“That serum is a fucking miracle. I'm gonna get you to fuck me in so many ways, Steve.”

Steve chuckled. “Okay.”

“I mean, not that I wouldn't have gone for you without it, I love you either way, but man, so many possibilities!”

Steve didn't respond and when Tony lazily blinked his eyes open he found Steve looking him at him with such a soft smile that it made his throat feel tight all of a sudden. “What?”

“That's the third time you told me you love me,” Steve said quietly and Tony flushed, biting his tongue to avoid spilling even more embarrassing truths when Steve leaned forward to give him a chaste kiss and pull him into a hug. “I love you, too.”

“I'm glad to hear that cause I'm definitely in this for the long haul,” Tony said, grimacing. “Sorry. I don't want to pressure you or anything –“

“Let's go on a date.”

Tony blinked. “Right now?”

“No,” Steve said, running a hand through Tony's hair. “I want to take you out properly. To dinner.”

“Oh,” Tony said breathlessly, a smile spreading on his face. “That sounds nice.”

“But if you want we can order pizza and watch a movie? Right now?”

Tony grinned, leaning up to press a kiss to Steve's lips. “I can honestly say there's nothing I'd rather do right now.”

Steve hummed and the smile he gave Tony made his heart swell with happiness. “Perfect.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never planned on writing this but since a lot of you guys asked for it, here's a very short epilogue. Thanks again to everyone who read this story and I hope you'll enjoy this. Ciao!

Tony woke up feeling pleasantly sore and more well-rested than he had in weeks. He stretched lazily, smiling when he felt the arms wrapped around his chest tighten in response. He looked over to find Steve already looking back at him, pillow-creases on his face and practically glowing in the morning light. Tony felt warmth bloom in his chest at the content smile on Steve's lips.

“G'morning,” he rasped and Steve's eyes darkened just a bit. “Been awake long?”

“Yeah. I was watching you sleep,” Steve said and Tony paused. Huh. That was weird.

“Okay?” he said tentatively, moving to get up. “I'll get us some coffee.”

“No, please stay, I've been waiting for you to wake up so I can give you a blowjob.” Tony froze. Wow, that was a lot more forward that he'd expected from Steve.

Steve suddenly made a mortified noise and Tony turned to see him clamping both hands over his mouth, staring at Tony with wide eyes.

“Sorry,” Steve squeaked and it took a second for Tony's sleep-addled brain to connect the dots but when he did –

“Oh my god,” he breathed, eyes widening slowly. “You're –“

“Something's wrong,” Steve said with horror in his voice. “I can't stop – oh my god, is it the truth serum? Is this what you felt like? How –“

“Bodily fluids,” Tony suddenly remembered, his mind whirring. “Strange said it could be contagious, but it wasn't supposed to stay that way after he countered it –“

“Oh no!” Steve moaned. “This is awful! What if I tell you about the mole on my ass?” Steve slapped a hand over his mouth, looking like he'd just run over a puppy and Tony needed a second to process that before he snorted.

“You have a mole on your ass?”

“It looks like a star. I'm very self-conscious about it.” Steve grimaced. “God, this is terrible. Is this what it was like for you?”

Tony was torn between laughing and feeling sympathetic so he settled for putting a hand on Steve's shoulder. “It's alright. I would've found out about your mole eventually.” He hesitated. “That is... if you even wanted to do this again? I didn't mean to presume –“

“What?” Steve asked, sounding baffled. “Of course I want to! I've wanted this literally since the day I met you. I thought about you when I jerked off that night.” His face went almost frighteningly pale. “Oh fuck. I didn't want you to know that.”

Tony was sure by now he was grinning like the devil himself. “Oh yeah? What did you think about?”

“Your ass, mostly,” Steve answered immediately, looking absolutely mortified. “Oh god, please don't ask me about this, _please!”_

Tony took pity on him, lying down to wrap his arms around Steve instead. “Alright, I won't. Just know that the feeling's mutual.”

Steve went very still. “Really? You –“

“First day,” Tony confirmed. “Though to be fair it was more of a rage-wank than anything. And I've jerked off to your war posters since I knew what my dick was for, so...”

“That's a bit disturbing,” Steve said. “But I'm also really hard now.” He wrinkled his nose but thankfully he already seemed to have resigned to his fate. “Good lord. Please don't listen to anything that comes out of my mouth over the next week.”

“You sure? It's already giving me so many ideas,” Tony said, suggestively trailing his hand over the tent in Steve's boxers and Steve shivered.

“Yes! Touch me please.”

“So polite,” Tony purred and Steve winced even before he spoke.

“I was kind of hoping you would let me fuck you again if I was.” Tony looked at Steve in surprise and broke into loud laughter when Steve's face turned a brilliant red. “Oh gosh, I'm so sorry, Tony. That's not – I'm sorry.”

“Oh Steve,” Tony said between chuckles, a brilliant grin on his face. “We are going to have so much fun together.”


End file.
